Sex Love & Lies

Let It All Air Out- The Truth

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt, suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer

I jumped up when my ringtone A Thousand Years by Christina Perri blasted through my phone.
I looked over to find Léo gone. Why didn't he wake me?
I silence my phone, knowing it was John.
I grabbed the sheet and walked to Ariah's room.
"Goldfish, Goldfish what do you see? I see a mother looking at me," Léo said as he read Brown Bear, Brown Bear to Ariah. I smiled slightly.
"Why didn't you wake me?"
"I tried but you said leave you alone," he chuckled.
"Mama," Ariah screamed while jumping off Leo's lap and running to me.
"What time is it," I asked while picking up Ariah.
He looked at his watch, "9:30."
"Fuck," I yelled as I put Ariah down and rushed to find my clothes.
"Where's my clothes," I yelled frustrated.
"Check the living room," he said in a matter of fact tone. I rushed to the living room and grabbed my clothes.
As I put my shirt on Léo came out with Ariah in his arms. I grabbed her, my keys, and purse.
He handed me my phone. "Here," he said as he kissed me.
"Thank you baby."
                    ^^^^^^
"Well damn ma' where was you?"
"T.J., don't make me slap the fuck out of you," I said handing sleeping Ariah to him.
"Well excuse me," he huffed as he carried her to her room.
As I turned to walk back out to get the groceries, John came from the back. I sighed, trying to remember the lie.
"So where you go?"
"I told you I went to the store," I huffed slightly annoyed. He followed me outside. "I mean you left home at 3:30 this afternoon. It's now fucking 10:30," he semi-yelled.
I opened my trunk and grabbed some bags, then turned to him. "I took Ariah to the park, we went to the library for books," I said holding up the books in a bag, "I didn't want to come home John, you and your sister really pissed me off," I ended by closing my trunk and walking back inside.
"So from 3:30 to 10:30, that's SEVEN fucking hours, by the way, you been to just the library, park, and Walmart?"
T.J. walked up into the living room where we were and said, "Mama, you get all my stuff?"
"Yes, T.J.," I huffed as I grabbed his bags and handed them to him.
"Thank you," he beamed and ran off to his room.
"John, I left to avoid confrontation," I said.
"Yeah, I would believe you if your shirt wasn't inside out," he spat as he walked towards our room.
I looked down at my Tommy Hilfiger shirt with the printed words indeed inside out. I silently cursed myself and followed him.
"John I-"
Cutting me off, he turned around and yelled,"Shut the fuck up."
"Don't fucking yell at me," I screamed back.
"Aye, why you guys arguing?"
"Son, just go back in your room," John said still looking me in disgust.
"OK," he huffed as he did what he was told, making sure to close he door.
"I don't want to be lied to," he growled as we made it to the room.
"I went shopping too, John, but I didn't find anything to-" I was cut off by his slap to my face.
I fell to the ground and touched my bloody lip. "What the fuck," I cried.
He picked me, "I'm sorry, shit." He laid me on the bed as I tried to scoot away from him.
"Tamara, I'm sorry."
I looked at him with tears rolling down my cheeks, "Ariah isn't yours, she's Dr. Martin's."
I watched as his face hardened and quickly turned into anger.
I knew it hurt him just as much as that slap hurt me. I lost our first child due to stress, in jail so when Ariah was conceived he was super excited.
"What the fuck," he growled. I slowly got up and tried to walk to the bathroom but was stopped by him grabbing my arm.
"Why?"
I shrugged my shoulders, "I'm just a whore, John, but I love you, I know you're the only one to love me for me. Everyone takes advantage of me when I mention my past," I cried out.
"Tamara, I really don't know at this point. You have everything you every wanted, and you just can't appreciate it."
"I'm sorry," I whispered walking off into the bathroom. I heard a few mumbles and then it got extremely quiet.
After I got myself together, I walked back out to see John laying in the bed with his eyes close.
"So you're not going to say anything?"
"I don't know what to say," I whispered.
"Well since we being honest, I've been sleeping with Adrian."
I don't know what made me angrier the fact he said it as if this was an average conversation or the fact the thought of him sharing his body with someone else.
I sat there contemplating whether or not I should even consider him being my husband anymore.
"So what does this mean?"
He shrugged his shoulder as he turned his back to me. I let out a dramatic sigh, hoping he would respond.
"I'm going in the guest room," I finally let out.
"Good."
I felt the fire behind each tear that hit my cheek as I left out the room, into my own pits of hell.