back to you

Chapter two

The moment I feared to face for the last 6 months is finally happening. Right now, with Lucas standing in front of me. I'm confused, and afraid and ashamed. Since when has he been standing there? I take the time to appreciate his features and then something hit me, hard like a rock. His face. It's perfect.  

I mean not perfect, perfect, but no bruises, no blood, nothing. As if he never got into a fight in the first place. "Didn't you get into a fight like half an hour ago?" my mouth says before my mind can process what the hell is going on. I don't know if that's a question or an affirmation. I do know though, that I'm relieve he's actually fine. After everything we've been through, I wouldn't be able to not care for him. He used to mean the world to me and now I can't even think straight when he's looking at me from afar. "So you know." he smirks and take a step towards me. I take a step back without thinking, "Are you afraid or something?" it is clear to me now that the smirk is gone and replaced by a frown.

"Mak, don't be like this." he says, running his hand through his hair. "What you did wasn't okay, Lucas." I say in a whisper. "You.. you broke my heart." Since Lucas and I have not been seen together in months, people are curious and wondering what the hell is going on. I look around and realize that we have an audiance. People are looking right at us, expecting a fight maybe, but I'm not giving anything else today. The little incident in the cafeteria was enough for me. "And you broke mine too." I know I did, I'm just not ready to admit it. I broke his heart first actually. I'll get there soon.

"What do you want, Lucas?" I ask, to change the subject of the awkward conversation we're having. It still feels unreal to have Lucas standing there, looking right into my eyes. He looks better though. Last time I talked to him he was devasted about Alyson cheating on him. I understand, I've been there...

"You stopped talking to me the day I broke up with Aly. You avoided any contact with me, and you even changed your English Class, so you wouldn't have to work with me, or just be in the same room as me." Lucas, please don't. It's now that I realize how hurt he was. I was just as hurt as he was and all I needed to take the pain away was him, but I couldn't do that to Aly, not after everything we've been through together. Though, after the fight we just had, I wouldn't mind at all if she saw me with him, if anything I'd be happy to see her face when people start to talk.

"What was I supposed to do Lucas? I had to choose between you and Alyson, my best friend! I couldn't just keep talking to you, she was hurt, and it wouldn't have been fair to her." I explain. Without noticing, I think I'm trying to convince myself that what I did was okay. You're not supposed to stay friends with your best friend's ex. I had a choice to make, but now that I think about it, I think I made the wrong one.

"I was angry, oh so angry at the world when Alyson cheated on me. I was hurt of course, but not as much as I was when yo-" he keeps talking and talking and I couldn't hear it anymore, because tears were forming in my eyes and never will I let Lucas see my vulnerable side, so I cut him before he could finish his sentence, "Don't." I say through my teeth. I don't know if he actually heard me or anything since my voice was barely audible, and the fact that he kept on talking, ignoring what I said, confirmed that he probably just didn't care enough to just let it be.

"Makayla, I missed you like hell. I needed you, not because of Alyson. I got over it, because I knew it would happen one way or another. We didn't love each other, but I loved you. And loosing you was one of the hardest thing I experienced so far."

"What are you talking about?" I scream, not caring how crazy I'm about to look, "You selfish bastard, you don't know anything about love! Because you don't break people you love." I find it ironic that I'm the one to say that, when we both know I broke his heart too. I loved him, oh I loved him so much, but it was too much for him to take, "Actually, I feel sorry for you Lucas. You couldn't wrap your head around the idea of someone loving you, so you had to push them away. You pushed me away, and being madly in love with you, I kept coming back to you. It was always you, and it always will be."