back to you

Chapter three

I feel like I'm living the same day over and over again. I gain a routine that I didn't realize I had for years now. It's getting boring and I feel like I need some kind of change in my life. I could try a new style, but me being me, I hate paying for clothes. I don't really follow any kind of fashion trend. I thought about changing my hair before, but I always choke once I get to the hairdresser. Maybe this time I might just do it. Screw it, it's time I do something crazy. I'm getting tired of my brown long hair. I don't care about other people's opinion anymore. With what happened yesterday, I realized I should just concentrate on living my life the way I want to, without caring about anyone or anything for that matter.

"Hey hun, how's your hand doing?" my dad greets me. The nurse stitched it back up yesterday and put a bandage over it. It looked pretty bad when she washed all the blood off, but that's what's you get for acting impulsively.

"It's alright, I took my pain killers already." I reply, pouring cereal into the bowl that lays in front of me. He smiles at me and give me the milk. I sit down at the kitchen table and take my phone out of my back pocket. I go through my emails and texts messages before putting it back to its place, not bothering to answer any texts from my friends. I'm going to see them in less than an hour anyway, so what's the point.

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I get to school in time today, getting my things ready for my first class. I stand in front of my locker, looking at pictures of hairstyle on my phone when Bianca joins me. We have the same class this morning, so we usually meet at my locker before going in.

"Are you alright? What happened back there?" she wastes no time to ask me the questions she had already texted me this morning. I couldn't wait to talk to her about everything. Specially about my one on one with Lucas.

"Oh god, I don't even know where to start." I sigh, pushing the button on the top of my phone, watching the screen go black. "I punched the mirror in the girl's bathroom, for starters."

"I knew it. The second I saw your hand in that white thingy and the broken mirror, it all made sense." She laughs, clearly waiting for the interesting part of my story.

"I talked to Lucas." She gasps, not believing what I just told her since I didn't mention his name for the last six months, let alone talk to him.

"Oh my God! What? When? You could've called me! Are you okay?" her dialogue is fast and almost incoherent. I let out a chuckle, "I don't know... I feel like I'm back to square one. I've spent the past six months trying to forget his existence, and there he comes saying he loved me more than anything in this world, and losing me was the worst thing he had to experience."

She doesn't say a word, she stands there with her mouth slightly open from surprise.

"Hearing him say those things only made it worse. I thought I was okay, I thought I was over him after all this time, but no... Not at all." I continue, keeping my voice low, or else the tears that are threating to fall will in no time.

"Do you still love him?" she dares to ask, after a few minutes of silence. I don't even know how to respond.

"I never stopped." I reply, not caring about the tear rolling on my cheek.

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History is my worst subject. I'm good in school, I get good grades in almost every classes, but clearly not this one. It doesn't make sense. I can't remember anything, I don't understand why though, because that's my Dad's best subject. He used to spend his entire evenings helping me study, but I couldn't register one single thing. We spent hours and hours, tutors after tutors to help me succeed my final exam last year. I still got it, but it was close.