VULNERABLE HEARTS

• the day i leave

[ THE DAY I LEAVE ]

— they say, ignorance is bliss, it really is until you realise there are things you should've noticed but didn't.

my heart ached, it felt
like i had been stabbed
a hundred times and
bled to death, i guess
that's what you feel
when you care about
what people say about
you and finally get hit
with truth dipped in
poison from their mouths.

you're awful, you speak
rubbish, you're a fake,
you're really ignorant
you know? you're so
selfish and greedy.

after so many words thrown
at my face, i was gobsmacked,
i didn't know that they really
think of me in that way, was i
really that ignorant?

i tried my best to help everyone,
was it because i wasn't always
there for everyone, is it because
i like money, i admit i'm a bit
greedy and selfish but did i
really go that far?

you are just like your father.

i wanted to scream,
i am nothing like
that son of a bitch,
who left me like
i wasn't his daughter,
who only took me
out for a few hours
every few months
for proof that he's
doing what the
contract said and
for the laywers to
see and fake being
a good father to me.

he cared about his money
and girlfriend more than
his daughter, i am nothing
like him! i wanted to scream.

i kept my mouth shut and
i felt my eyes blur because
of the tears covering my eyes.

had i really turned into
my father who only
cared about himself?

could i really?

i felt myself shake and
shiver at the thought
of it, i was better than
that, don't cry in public.

i remember the times
when he would spend
time with me and i had
this wake up call, he
never cared about me,
he never did, and the
first thing i did was cry.

how could you not?

how could you not cry
when you realised that
your once before role
model left you for some
whore and only took
you out for a few hours
because he needed pictures
for proof for the lawyers
to see? you just do.

and i was a foolish victim
of clinging to the idea that
he still loved me like before.

i am nothing like my father,
i will never become like him,
i may be a little bit greedy,
selfish, a bit of an ignorant,
but i am nothing like the
bastard i used to call dad.

and i will never be.

the day i leave my own
family for someone who
wrecked my home and life,
will be the day i kill myself,
because my father did that.

[ THE DAY I LEAVE ]

Okay eMoTiOnS !! okay truly, this chapter really came from my heart and feelings bc i relate to this in so much level and i just had to release my emotions, this is also mostly true so yeah whatever (: also if you were a lil confused in the last line, no my dad did not kill himself i was referring to action he did aka l e a v i n g.

also won't be posting here a lot since i'll be focusing on my main 💓