The Love We Once Never Had | On Hold

//comienzo

     I stared into Josh's eyes, but all I could see, was the emptiness ringing back to me. He removed his hands from my waist, disconnecting what we had left of a relationship. "It's not you, it's me."

     Fuck you. That's the oldest in the book.

     I blinked, trying to wake up, because it all seemed like a dream. None of this was meant to happen.

     That morning had been arranged; buy a gift for Carmen, take Josh to the party, actually party, and have fun. It was that simple. I let my eyes move over his chest, thoughtless, as Josh let out a sigh, walking away.

     Tears streamed down my face, as I looked as his receding figure, leaving me there, in the park at 9AM. I wished I could follow him, hug him, confirm that it was all a joke, but I guess it wasn't.

     I wiped the tears out with the back of my hand, brown hair swaying in the breeze. I was alone now. I took my little bag from the bench and walked away, in shock and utter disappointment. I had just been dumped.

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     "No, no, Carmen," I reassured, trying to not sound vulnerable, as I dabbed my eyes with a napkin looking out the window. "I'm fine, I just – I'm sorry I can't come."

     There was silence at the other end for a while but it disappeared with the weak voice of Carmen. "Well, if you're sure about it then no worries. Just remember my gift tomorrow," he chuckled slightly.

     I heard the beep, signifying the end of the call as I brought my legs from under the duvet. The cold wood zapped my feet by it's touch, causing me to shiver.

     I sighed, inhaling the stale air of my room. Memories of the past year with Josh flooded my mind. We had something in our relationship – trust, to be specific, but I guess the spark wasn't there.

     It was abnormal. Like trust cradled with lust. I had not only lost my first kiss to him, but my virginity and anything left of my dignity.

     The door clicked open, causing me to divert my gaze from my window. Mum stood there, looking cautiously. "What's wrong Nelly?"

     Till date, I cringe anytime that name is called. It happened in the airport, summers ago. The air hostess had asked for my name before giving me food, I woke up from sleep in a daze. I was afraid of heights and entering a plane didn't boost brain juice.

     I looked at her like a deer in front of headlights. She asked again with the false smile, one that made you feel safe.

     "M-my name is Ja-janelle," I stuttered, lost for words. "Um, I mean–"

     I was cut off her her chirping. "What a lovely name Janelle!"

     Mum heard and picked up the name, taunting my 8 year old mistake. I've gotten used to being called Nelly time to time.

     "Janette?" I heard mum's voice, bringing me back to consciouness.

     I looked at her, trying to clean my tears. "Oh my baby," her voice cooed as she came to me. She sat on the side of my bed, putting my head on her shoulder. "Let it all out."

     That was when I cried. Relentlessly, unending, like the world was to end. Minutes later, sunk in the plush fabric of my mum's top, she raised my head slowly. "What's wrong honey?"

     "Mum, I'm okay," I said, wiping my eyes with the back of my hands. Her eyes looked worried. "Nothing mum. I just failed my chemistry test, that's all."

     I stood up walking to the bathroom and before I entered, I looked back to mum. Her eyes laden with worry and suspicion. I brushed off my feelings, taking my pajamas and walking in.

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     I turned in the bed again, rubbing the back of my elbow. It itched badly. I pressed my eyes together again, trying to sleep. But I couldn't.

     It came coming to me – Carmen, Josh, Mum, Mr Lonnie; whose test I had failed, and every other memory that was meant to not exist at such an hour.

     Strike that, at such an ungodly hour. I checked my alarm clock on the bedside table. It read 00:59AM

     Sighing, I got out of bed and sprinted to my laptop across, on top on my desk. Assignments I couldn't do, were spread everywhere. I quickly arranged them, pushing them aside and placing my laptop in front of me.

     Another sleepless night. I logged onto Pinterest, organizing boards – my usual sleepless night routine.

     Scroll, scroll, shit. I looked in awe, if I were a cartoon, my eyes would bulge. Was that...

     There is no way. No way in hell, that, that was...

     I slumped back on my chair, cursing under my breath. I hate life – I hate trust.

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Hi guys! Sean here. So this chapter was written by me and not edited by Jay, because she thinks it's perfect. I hope you like it. If you do, remember to vote, comment, and share. Also, to show your support you can as well follow us – the authors. Thanks for reading!

Next chapter will be written by Jay and I'll edit. Till next time I talk to you guys, bye!