❝I feel more at home in your arms than I do in the dilapidated walls of this house or anywhere else in the world for that matter, Jimin.❞
in which Min Yoongi unveils the startling truth behind the numbers on Jimin's hoodies, in the midst of which he...
(n.) the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own.
MYG
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jims_jams I'mempty inside and I don't want to live but I'm too scared to die.
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My breath hitched in my throat as I gulped, trying to push down the concern that bubbled in the pit of my stomach for someone so distant and queer.
It wasn't the first time he had put up pictures with such miserable captions; it was almost as if it was a cry for help. I thought of my classmates, most of who concluded these captions made them look 'edgy', hence using them unnecessarily, not realizing they were normalizing something as grave as mental illnesses in the process.
But Jimin wouldn't do it, of that I was sure somehow. That is, unless he was a hypocrite. He uploaded a video titled 'Important; #151' not too long ago where he addressed the issue, encouraging people to get help and not romanticize mental illnesses.
That was when realization dawned upon me. I was drawn in by his appearance yet it was exceptionally insignificant when compared to his beliefs and empathy.
As I looked deeper into his posts, I realized how terrifyingly gloomy he really was. I wasn't better than the rest of his followers who blatantly ignored his cries; I didn't know how I hadn't noticed it all along.
Perhaps, he was lonely and I came to the conclusion because I knew how that felt life-- to switch among personalities, change the ideals you believe in and spew words you wouldn't if it weren't for the person beside you to the point you can't recognize who you truly are. Faking smiles and laughter when in a group is exhausting physically but more so mentally.
I knew how it felt like to flinch every time someone tried to help your forlorn self to escape from the deep plunges of unfaltering self-hate because people etched into your mind that you were but a mere somber star in a sky of ethereal, sparkling ones, leaving you scarred for life.
Leaving you glancing back at your reflection in the mirror and loathe every curve and every inch of your skin, hate the person you had eventually become, the unkempt scars strewn across your body, the way your eyes crinkled when you smiled or the chip in your teeth.
Jimin deserved better than being haunted by the same demons who had left me so agonizingly torn.
I decided then to do anything in my power to find out why he was the way he was, and maybe, just maybe, change things for the better for him, the boy I had started to fall for deeper with every passing day, but was reluctant to admit feelings for just yet.
I should've known what came next was bound to happen.
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Dedicated to @catchumylife for making my entire life with her comments and I couldn't be more grateful to have come across her through this book bc I'm in love with her books even if they make me want to throw myself off a cliff. She's amazing and I adore her with all of my heart uwu
and I'm aware this chapter was shit but I didn't want to start with Jimin's POV halfway through the chapter, it'd ruin the entire format (?) ig so please excuse this chapter.
What do you think happens next hMmMMm? (I'm a Pewdiepie trash, in case you couldn't tell already.)
