The Last Virgin Standing

Chapter 41: Luke's Point of View

Dedicated to TheMasterActor. Banner by HunterMay18.

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Chapter 41: Luke's Point of View

I didn't know much, but I knew I needed to get out of the house now. If I stayed in here for any longer, I was going to go crazy. Mom didn't know that things between Charlie and I were tense, and I wanted it to stay that way. Dad was as oblivious as ever and I would use that to my advantage. I would never tell them because there was no reason to ruin their dream of her and I together because I would get her back. They weren't subtle when it came to wanting us to date (and eventually marry). Maybe it was so difficult for me to even think about getting over her because everybody wanted it. Mom had a scrapbook started for our life together. It was filled with dorky pictures of us when we were younger and she was convinced it would only get bigger from there. Dad, who was already close to Mr. Summers, thought of Charlie as a daughter. He continued to brag about her to his co-workers, saying that his Lucas already met the love of his life. They, especially the females, would swoon over that, telling him how cute it was and how lucky we were. Lucky wasn't exactly the word I would use to describe us. There was never a right time for us, and I had only myself to blame.

Right now, my life was filled with if only's. If only I had told her sooner. If only I hadn't gotten caught up in the stupid game. If only I could cut her loose. If only I had held on tighter. She was all I could think about. Her stupid obsession with 50 First Dates, her love for sour foods, her inability to cook—these were the things that were floating around in my mind. Whenever I closed my eyes, she was there. Whenever I went to sleep, my dreams were a constant reel of my memories with Charlie. Whenever I left the house, which wasn't often, I would look for her. I knew I would see her with Tyler, but it was still her. She, somewhere in there, was still my Charlie. She was confused and caught up with the bad boy fantasy. I would let her have that because I would still be here. When he broke her heart, I would be her support system. I would go out and buy pints of ice cream, boxes of Kleenex, and just be there for her because that's all I could ever ask for. My dream woman had came to me, but she was in a smaller, cuter, and younger package than I had expected.

She had me doubting my love for her, but I knew in my heart that my love for her was real, genuine, and still there. I tried to explain why I did what I did, but even to me it sounded like a weak excuse. I couldn't describe in words why I felt like I needed to sleep with half of the student body for her because it was honestly an idiotic thing for me to do. With her, I couldn't think straight, and without her, I couldn't think at all.

I went for a drive because I couldn't care less about gas prices. I just needed to get out and find myself. I needed to feel like the Luke who had taken Laurel's virginity and tied with the Top Four, the guys who I found myself admiring.

Beckett had everything going for him. He was perfect in the eyes of any educator. He knew what he wanted to do and was crazy enough to pursue his dream. He had ambition and drive, something I never had the courage to have. He had the confidence to be himself, something I was still trying to find.

Alec had everything I wanted with Charlie. He had a little family that I was sure wouldn't be broken up any time soon. He was talented, and like Beckett, driven. He was, as Charlie called it, "swoon worthy." While I was sure that Mr. Summers liked me, he was completely taken by the all-star. I bet the old man was rooting for him to be his son-in-law. He was just so put together and I was a mess.

Ian was different than the others. He had money and confidence, two things that would get him anywhere he wanted to be. He could shmooze his way into an opportunity, something I would never be able to do. Social interactions came naturally to him.

Tyler had what I wanted: Charlie. He had the image that all guys wanted: tough. All girls wanted to see the soft side of him, and Charlie could. Why would she give up a life of mystery to be with a guy she's known her entire life? He was exciting and could keep her on her toes. With him, she had the power to make any guy jealous. I certainly was. He had the suaveness that I had tried to achieve my entire high school achieve, and I didn't think he wanted it.

As much as I liked being called the "nice guy" and the "boy-next-door," it wasn't true. With everyone else but Charlie, I had ulterior motives. I was far from being a good guy. I was the villain who stole precious things and couldn't give them back even if I wanted to, which I so desperately did. This was something time could never heal. There would be a time where I would no longer be the "boy-next-door" because both Charlie and I would move away to college. I knew things would never be the same after this year, but I could only hope.

I was too consumed in my own thoughts to realize where I was going. I was barely following the basic traffic laws and was glad the color red stuck out to me the most. Today must've been my lucky day because I ran into mostly green lights, the only time I liked the color. I took whatever felt right: a left, straight, a right, straight, follow-the-roundabout. I found myself driving to places where Charlie and I frequented. The sign on Paul's said it was closed, but I saw a lingering couple sitting in the booth sharing a milkshake. I couldn't help but replace the people with Charlie and I. That could've been us. My life was also filled with could'ves.

I wanted to say that life was unfair, but it wasn't. I had probably been the root of much grief and sorrow, and I didn't have the compassion to apologize. I went from being shameless to shameful within a matter of seconds. All it took was for me to tell Charlie how I really felt about her and her just throwing it in the dust. How come she wouldn't realize that I wasn't after her virginity? All I wanted was to preserve it. I planned on taking it one day, but that was years from now. I would take it, but I would replace it with all of my love. I would replace it with foot massages and breakfasts in bed. I would replace it with a home that we would build together.

During this ride, all it took me was a stop sign to realize she would never come back to me. I messed things up to the point where I would never forgive myself, let alone find love in it. I wanted her to be the happiest she could be, and while I believed that I could give that to her, I couldn't if she didn't believe in it. I didn't think she could find everlasting happiness in Tyler. I wished her all of the best and I was lucky if I ended up with a girl who was half as amazing as she was.

As cliche as it sounded, I lost myself when I lost her. She was my past, my present, and my future with her was gone. I was in a love limbo and I hated every minute of it. I wanted out.

I pulled my phone out. I needed to tell her how I felt one last time before I let her go. I wanted her to know I wanted her to be happy, even if meant not being with me. Although words could not even begin to explain how much she meant to me, I would try. I didn't have the vocabulary of Beckett, or the genuineness of Alec, or the suaveness of Ian, or the sincerity of Tyler, but I had history with her, something they would never get.

Charlie's name was under my favorite's list, her contact picture a ridiculous selfie, and I clicked on it. Heart thumping, butterflies flying, I listened to the three rings before I reached her voicemail. Her sweet voice came on. "Hey, it's Charlotte! Leave me a message and your name if you're not already in my contact list! Bye!"

"Hey, Charlie. It's Luke. I just want to say that I love you so much. I know you're in a relationship, and I'm happy for you, but I needed to say that for my sake. I've decided to stop being selfish and let you go live your life. I'm sorry I could never be the guy you deserve—"

The pain that came next was incomparable to the heartbreak that I felt when I realized Charlie and I would never be together. The volume shattered my eardrums, the glass cut through my skin, and the impact was too much. I had already been reminiscing about my life, but this time was different. I saw what I did not from my eyes, but from somebody else's. I left knowing that I could never repair the damage I had done to the people I'd hurt.