The Last Virgin Standing

Chapter 2: Be Like Alice and Stalk Me

Dedicated to WeAreAHurricane for making the iconic TLVS cover you now see.

TW: sexual assault

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Chapter 2: Be Like Alice and Stalk Me

"Have I ever told you how much I love Drew Barrymore?" I asked, turning to face Luke.

"More than I'd like," he grumbled, putting the disc back in its case. I had asked him to rent it so much that he just bought it. "Did you know she did drugs when she when she was really young?"

I shrugged. "So? People at school do it."

"She was like nine when she started drinking and smoking. She started doing cocaine when she was twelve."

I slapped my hands on my ears and began screaming, "Lalalalala." I didn't want to hear that my idol did drugs that early. She was just like...never mind. I can't think about this.

Luke wretched my hands away and patted my head like a dog. He did that a lot. Why? I have no idea. It kind of made me feel stupid and littler than him, and he probably liked that.

"Thanks, Luke."

"For what?"

"For watching 50 First Dates with me over and over again. You're a real friend."

"I'm your best friend."

And always will be... "Yeah, yeah. So what do you want to do now?"

"We could order pizza?"

"Or you could cook for me!" I suggested.

"Or we could order pizza!" he repeated, mocking enthusiasm.

"Since I'm such a great person, we'll order pizza. You're paying."

"Well don't offer to pay or anything," he grumbled. "But we're getting Supreme."

"My favorite!" I squealed.

He frowned. "Crap. I forgot."

"Too late now and you can call," I said, handing him my iPhone. "And don't forget the breadsticks."

"I always call. Why don't you try?"

"I don't like talking to people on the phone."

"We talk all the time."

"It's not the same," I insisted. "They're strange and I don't like talking to people I don't know."

"But you're just ordering your food."

"Our food."

"So you'll call?"

"No."

He rolled his eyes and ordered. I went into the kitchen to grab us some drinks. I grabbed two cups from the cabinet and an unopened liter of Coke. "Twenty minutes," Lucas told me.

I groaned. "Twenty whole minutes?"

"It's not that long."

"It is to a starving girl!"

"You're not starving."

"But I am!"

"You're just exaggerating."

Suddenly he clutched his stomach, making guttural sounds as if he were about to die. "So was she good?" I asked. Entertaining Luke's overdramatic hunger tendencies were exhausting.

He seemed taken back that I disrupted him, and a cute confused look spread across his face? "Who?"

"Laurel, was she good?"