Restraint | k.taehyung | Book 1 [One]

Ch. 4

It had been three days since the concert. You had to force yourself from the confines of your bed for the third day in a row. Each passing day was more difficult to deal with. The overwhelming feeling of grief and guilt consumed every part of your being. You kept thinking back to the moment of eye contact at the concert and cried. You knew you wanted what you couldn't have. He was untouchable. The untouchable boy looked directly at you.

You weren't a naïve girl at all. You understood exactly what the life of a celebrity entailed. They were overworked, tired, constantly traveling, and had no time for a love life. You lashed out at yourself for taking it for granted. This was your moment and you convinced yourself that you should be happy with it and move on.

You knew you had to shake off all of the hopeful feelings and clear your mind. Life needed to return back to its normal routine, regardless of how unsettled your mind was. You were trying everything you possible could to not dissociate from the present. If you had to stop thinking about the concert, that's exactly what you were going to do.

You eventually pushed yourself to leave the house. It took a lot of energy, but you managed it. You got dressed, threw on a simple outfit and meandered outside. You looked up and felt the same eerie feeling you had been feeling for the past three days. The clouds seemed unreal. Nothing looked in place: the sun, the moon, the buildings, the people. Everything was reduced to simple moving objects that made no sense and had no purpose. It was beautiful and terrifying at the same time. You knew you had to bring yourself back to balance and decompress. The solution you had come up with was your favorite hangout - the coffee shop.

You followed your typical path, trying hard to bring yourself into the moment on your journey there. You wanted to feel alive again. You focused on the trees as they swayed back and forth in the light April wind. You started to feel somewhat better as you opened up your mind to appreciate everything around you. You continued towards the coffee shop feeling a slight chill in the brisk air. You saw your own reflection in the front door, then noticed that the owner's grand kids were playing right inside. You smiled to yourself and patted each of the children on the head. That's much better.

You walked inside the coffee shop and realized that it was slightly busier than normal. There were a few rumblings and commotion of other customers - but your spot was open. You felt inner warmth as you made your way to the front counter to order your usual drink. The shop owner turned around and was extremely pleased to see you.

"I missed you yesterday, _____," he said with a slight concern, "Are you better today?"

It was bizarre how he knew something was up just due to your absence.

"Yes! I'm doing fine, was just tired yesterday," you returned his question with a graceful bow.

He shook his head politely, and made you your normal drink. You accepted it with a warm grin and went to your window seat. You got cozied in and comfortable, then sat down. Your first thought immediately went to checking your phone. You knew that this was a bad idea. It was too painful to bring up any memories remotely triggering of what happened. You had to divert your attention, so you looked out the window - desperate to see anyone passing by. Your attention waned as you watched older couples walk by, hand in hand. You saw street sellers running about and even noticed a man soliciting to random passersby. You saw a few kids running up and down some stairs across the street, as they screamed and played with joy. Your mind was trying hard not to drift off too deep into thought. Before you knew it, the salesman managed to come into the coffee shop. You rolled your eyes as he made his way to talk to the shop owner, knowing you didn't have any time to be solicited. You put your headphones on so you didn't have to hear the awkward conversation that was bound to happen.