Here and Now

-- 20 --

"Krist."
"So P', we're all settled. P'Cop will coordinate with Khun Kim. If there's nothing else, I'll walk you out."
"Krist. Kit! Look at me!" singto was having a hard time containing his emotions. "That's it? 'If there's nothing else' you'll walk me out? Seriously Kit?"
"Yes P'. What else is there to discuss? The project is almost complete. The mockups approved. The schedule to be fixed by our assistants. All that's left is the presentation to the board and we're done."
Krist walked slowly to his door with the intention of opening it.
"We're done? We're done?! That's all you're going to say?"
"Yes P'. We're done here."
"No we're not. Kit."
Krist turned sharply. Pinning singto with his gaze. "Yes P'. We are. We were done 5 years ago. I'm just finishing it for you."
"Kit let me explain."
"No need P'. The time for explanation is over. I don't need it anymore. I needed it 5 years ago. I needed it last week. I don't anymore. I accepted that I'm not going to get one."
Krist spoke softly. Singto knew that Krist's tone means there's no convincing him. But he needs to.
Singto steadied himself. "Krist listen to me. 5 years ago I wasn't myself. I didn't know who I was. All I know was that I was a nerd working his way up the ladder to where I am now. I sisn't plan to be at the party the night we met. I didn't plan to meet you actually. I find it funny now that I didn't plan for you but YOU changed my life."
Krist was quiet. For the first time in his life, he had nothing to say. No sarcastic remark to answer with. Not witty comebacks. He was afraid to even speak for fear of what he will say. He fears his P' will stop talking if he did.
"Kit I was running scared 5 years ago, heck, I'm scared out of my mind right now." Singto inhaled. Here goes.
"Let me tell you a story Kit. There was a guy 5 years ago who thought all his life's purpose was to work for a living and work for his family, nothing else. This guy knew nothing but work and his family. Then you came along. Do you know how my world turned upside down? Do you know how I was terrified to talk to this beautiful person sitting at the bar?"
Krist felt himself go steady.
"Krist, you woke me up. Here was this person so beautiful, so full of life, so carefree and happy, I just had to come to you. I was drawn to you. I threw all my inhibitions out the window to talk toyou about tequila. Tequilla for Christ's sake! Who talks about tequila?!"
"I do, P'." Krist began moving. "P' listen."
"No Krist. Stay there. Don't move, don't come to me. I don't deserve it. Let me finish. If you come to me now, I won't have the guts to finish."
"OK."
"See Krist, I was scared. Scared of what I was feeling. It was all very new to me. It was all very exciting. It was all very you. I didn't know what to do." Singto was breathing hard. "All the times I spent with you felt like heaven. You were introducing me to a world of color when all my life has been black and white. You were teaching me to live, to laugh, to just plain talk. You were teaching me to love."
Singto had to stop and compose himself. "I was worried how you would react to me. I was worried about a lot of things. How you would see me if you knew. How you would treat me. How you would feel. If I told you, if I just had the guts to tell you then and you rejected me. I don't know what I would do. I didn't know how you felt. All I know is that you rejecting me would tear me to pieces. So I went away. Can you understand that Kit?"
Krist decided that he had enough. "I love you P'."
"What?!"
"I love you P'. I always have. From the moment you talked about tequila to the time I found out someone paid for my lunch, this very second, I love you P'."
"Kit..." Singto was surprised to feel tears on his cheeks. .
Seeing this, Krist had enough. He walked towards Singto and stopped a few inches away. "I love you P'."
"I'm sorry Kit. I'm so sorry."
Singto's tears are falling now. Krist could not stand the sight of Singto's tears. He wiped it one cheek at a time.
"P', stop crying and look at me."
Singto raised his eyes. He was surprised to find Krist a breath away from him. All he could think of was how he can just move an inch and kiss him.
"P' I was worried that day at the restaurant when you didn't show up. I was annoyed when you didn't reply to any of my messages. I was angry when you ignored me for so long. I was mad when you dropped off of the face of the earth. I was in a rage when I realized you left me without a word. Through it all P' I was still so in love with you."
Krist laughed a little. "Funny how I fell in love with a nerd when there were a lot of others chasing me. I chose you P'. I know now that you were scared. I understand. You should have talked to me then like you are now. I'm actually a good listener you know."
A crease Kit is coming to adore is forming between Singto's brows. "What are you saying Kit?"
"You know for a smart person, that's a stupid question to ask. I'm saying I feel the same way. I'm feeling the same feelings I've felt for the past 5 years. I'm saying I loved you then and I love you now."
"Kit, I need you to be clear about this. I've been scared all this time thinking you'd reject me or be disgusted with me."
"P' just kiss me alrea..."
Singto did what came naturally, what he's been thinking of doing since he started his speech. He kissed Krist senseless.

-- end --