Hannibal in a Cage

The Plane

The plane was falling. Hannibal held onto the seat for dear life, praying to the cruel god that looked down upon this mortal earth. “Karma, God, I’m sorry for killing all those people, and I’ll give myself up if you let me live” he thought. Of course this was a lie, and he would never give himself up, rude people tasted delicious. But God and/or Karma wouldn’t know that, right? The plane shuddered, and Hannibal closed his eyes.

He flew out of his seat and landed on the ground. He opened his eyes. “Am I dead?” Hannibal thought to himself.  He was inside a room. A bedroom, it seemed. The walls were an ivory colour, while the double bed in the middle of the room had a tatty teddy duvet on it. Hannibal figured that it was a small child’s room, because the bed was covered with an assortment of teddy bears.

Before he could stand up, a fourteen year old girl walked into the room. She screamed.  Hannibal searched his pockets for his emergency killing knife, then remembered he had packed it with his socks on the plane. The girl ran over to Hannibal, and hugged him. He was shocked. Nobody had hugged him before, apart from Will, but not really, because Hannibal stabbed him in the stomach. Oh well.

The girl still hugged him. He tried to shake her off, but she wouldn’t budge. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, she finally let go. “I can’t believe you’re real!” the girl exclaimed.

“Wait, you know me?” Hannibal asked, confused. “Of course I know you! You’re Hannibal Lecter! You kill and eat rude people!”

There was something strange about this girl, but Hannibal couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

“What is your name, might I ask?” he said. “My name is River, but my friends call me River.”

Hannibal now knew what was strange about this girl. It was that she was so plainly stupid. “This is my room,” said River, waving her hand, indicating. “And those,” she said, pointing to the large amount of stuffed animals on the bed. “Those, are my guardians.”

Hannibal could feel his brain cells die every moment she continued to talk. Then he remembered something. “How did I get here?” he asked. The girl shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. Last time I saw you, you were on a plane, drinking champagne with your former psychiatrist.

“How do you know these things?” he asked. “Simple,” she replied. “I just finished watching season 2 of your TV show.”

“What TV show?”

“Um, I mean nothing…”

Hannibal rolled his eyes. This was obviously a very stupid girl.

“Where am I?” he asked. “Wherever you want to be, Hannibal!” She then continued to sing a very off key version of Pure Imagination from Charlie and the chocolate factory, while skipping around the room, holding one of the teddy bears from her bed. Hannibal wondered if it was against his code to eat the girl and put him out of his misery.

The window in the room indicated that outside was getting dark, and since Hannibal had no idea where the heck he was, he decided that he would have to do the unthinkable.

“River,” he asked. She stopped singing and looked at Hannibal. “Could-could I stay here, for tonight?” the words tasted like poison.  He hated asking morons for favours, especially this one, because then he owed them back. And Hannibal certainly DID NOT want to owe this silly fourteen year old girl a favour.

If this was a cartoon, Hannibal could swear that stars would be coming out of her eyes. But, of course, this was not a cartoon, so stars were not coming out of her eyes. But she was still excited.

Without saying a word, she dragged Hannibal by the sleeve into another room. It was smaller than the last, but it still had a bed in it. The walls were cream, and a wooden vanity table was against the wall.

“Night Hannibal!” River said, before shutting the door gently. Hannibal fell onto the bed and drifted off to sleep.

The next morning, Hannibal awoke to find himself in a different place. He was now trapped in a giant bird cage, and the room around him had boxes strewn around, each labelled differently. The one nearest to him read “Halloween Decorations.” The ceiling was slanted on both sides, meaning he was in an attic.

Hannibal started yelling, shaking the bars of the cage violently. This went on for several minutes, until the floor across the room opened. River climbed up the ladder, with a tray that held a glass of water and a sandwich.

“Good Morning!” River said cheerfully. Hannibal glared at her. “Why am I in a cage?” demanded Hannibal.

“To stop you from eating my family, that’s why,” she replied. “And from eating other rude people. I’m not stupid Hannibal.”

“Well, trapping me in a cage like an animal is quite rude,” Hannibal thought to himself.

“Oh, and I also took a blood sample from you,” she said. “It turns out your iron levels are skyrocketing.”

Hannibal then noticed that his arm was stinging. He put his hand against it and started rubbing the sore spot.

“This girl is incredibly rude,”  thought Hannibal, and vowed to eat her the next chance he gets.

“This is your breakfast,” she said. “And also lunch, dinner and supper.” Hannibal glared at her. She couldn’t just starve him, like a zoo animal. That’s just…RUDE.

As River laid down the tray, a notebook slipped from underneath. She didn’t seem to notice that she dropped it, so Hannibal picked it up. He flicked it open to a page titled “Heraco: A Fanfiction”

“Who is this Heraco, might I ask?” said Hannibal. River looked up at him, then blushed and tried to snatch the notebook away from him. “That’s personal writing!” she exclaimed, reaching in through the steel bars to get him. Hannibal moved to the other side of the cage, and began reading out loud.

“’Oh Hermione,’ said Draco, stroking her face, ‘If only there was someone out there who truly loved you. Now, I have your heart and your-‘” River snatched the notebook away from Hannibal, tears in her eyes. She ran across the room and crawled down the ladder. She shut the trapdoor behind her, leaving Hannibal in the dark.