Collection of Funny Short Stories

Money Down the Drain

The old refrigerator salesman sat at the counter of Food and Fun Refrigerators, waving politely at each customer before going back to the book on his lap. Eventually, he got so annoyed at his book that he threw it at his feet and stomped on it. Then, realizing that the book was now forever ruined, he threw it into the trash. Then a man came by, carting a refrigerator.

“I'd like to buy this refrigerator, please,” the man said.

The first customer to buy something in a week!

“Very well, that will be $289.73 with tax,” then when the man pulled out his credit card, the salesman added untruthfully, “We only take cash, sir.”

“I don't have that much cash!” the man exclaimed, turning to put the refrigerator back.

“Wait, that item is 45% off!” the salesman lied.

“Well, I can afford that,” the man said, turning and handing him the cash.

Then when the man left with his new fridge the salesman looked around to make sure nobody was watching and he stuck the money in his wallet.

“Nobody 'll notice poor ol' Jack take the cash, just this once,” the salesman said slyly.

Then after his work, Jack slipped into his old '80s car and it shuddered down the street to the pub. When Jack got out to go get a drink, he took his wallet out to make sure no one had pick-pocketed him. When his wallet emerged from his pocket, safe and sound. He lightly regretted his decision to steal the money and then shrugged it off. His boss didn't pay him enough. Then, as he was thinking about this, the wallet slipped from his hand and fell right into the grate of the sewer.

Jack cried out and tried to grasp his falling wallet, but missed it by an inch.

“Curse dis day!” Jack said as he tried to pull the grate off.

It was no use, the grate would not yield. He stood up and wiped his grimy hands on his jeans. Then he ran over to an old tree and pulled a branch off, running back to the sewer. He fished around in the sewage, but he didn't see his wallet.

Jack ripped at his shirt and fell to his knees on the asphalt.

“All that money down the drain! Literally!” he yelled into the night.

Then two men came swaddling out of the pub and one of them walked over to Jack.

“Got any loose change?” the man asked.

“No! I just lost all my money down the-” Jack stopped abruptly as the man shoved Jack onto his back.

“Gimme your money, dipstick!” the man yelled at Jack.

“I already told you, I don't got any money!” Jack retreated backwards, stumbling on his untied shoelaces.

“Yeah, sure,” the man said throatily, lunging for Jack.

Jack dodged and ran back to his car, starting the engine. Suddenly the drunken man's fist punched through the window.

Jack shifted into reverse and sped backwards out of the parking lot onto the street. Then he sped back to his shaggy apartment, unlocked the door and threw himself on his bed.

“And the moral of the story is: never steal money or anythin' else,” Jack grumbled into his pillow.