Collection of Funny Short Stories

Another Bad Day

Unlucky Fred--as he was nicknamed--was walking along one morning, listening to the birds chirp and the leaves rustle in the slight breeze.  He happily flicked his brand new phone between his hands.  He caught it in the left hand and looked at it for the millionth time that morning.

"Ah! A new text-message!" he read it slowly.  "Fred, I heard you got another phone!  I'm glad for you.  Just don't lose it like all the other ones.  After all, this phone cost way more than all the other ones.  Good luck!" He read aloud.

He read the text again.  "I'm not gonna lose this phone!  Not today at least.  I feel so happy right now I just know nothing is going to go wrong today!"

How wrong one can be.

Fred stared up at the clear blue sky and breathed heavily through his nose, smelling the fresh aroma of roses.  Then he sneezed several times in a row.

"Aaghh!  Why do I have to be allergic to ROSES of all things?" he said as his eyes began to water.

Now his nose began to run violently.  He ran back to his apartment and stuck his hand in his pocket for his keys.

"Rats! I must have forgotten my keys back at the picnic bench at the park!" he growled, frustrated, before rushing back to the park.

When he found the picnic table he had sat on, he looked around but didn't see his keys anywhere.

"Where could they have gone?" he hit the table hard with his hand, instantly regretting it.  "Ouch!" he cried, holding his hand and staring up at the sky.

Then he caught a glimpse of flashing silver.  His head swiveled as he caught sight of a squirrel holding his keys.

"What!  That's not possible!" Fred exclaimed.

He barred his teeth and began to climb the tree the squirrel was sitting in.  Branch by branch he climbed the tree, getting his head entangled in leaves and sticks, and cutting himself in some very uncomfortable places.

Finally he reached the place where the squirrel was sitting, and he snatched his keys from it with a snarl.  Then he threw up his hands--both his hands--high in the air with victory, and fell out of the tree.

He hit the ground with a crash and when he got up, he judged he had several broken ribs.  He stumbled around drunkenly for a few minutes, crashing into several metal garbage cans as he went.

When he finally recovered, he traveled back towards his apartment.

"Finally!  Now I can go home and take a nice long shower!" he said brightly.

Then suddenly, he dropped his keys right down into a sewer vent.

"NO!" he cried, stooping to stick his hand into the sewage.

He felt around for his but couldn't find them.  He looked around and found a branch.

"Ah!  Thistle do the trick!" he said, sticking the branch in and searching around.  But he just couldn't find them.

After a while he gave up and went back to his apartment.  He circled behind the building and looked up to his balcony, eight stories up.  He set his jaw, and with a grimace he began to climb up the bricks.  After his first few failed attempts he was able to get up to the first balcony.  With some difficulty he got to the second, then the third, then the fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh.

The he pulled himself up onto his balcony.  And there, sitting in a chair, was an old lady.

"Hey!" she looked at him through narrowed eyes.  "What are you doin, sonny?"

"I-I...  I, um..."

"Aren't you the owner of the apartment next door?  Get off my balcony, sonny!"

Fred looked in despair across to the next balcony, way to far for him to jump.

"You heard me sonny!  Get off my balcony!" the old lady snapped.

Fred, with a sigh, began to climb back down the wall.  Eventually he reached the last balcony, when he fell.  He landed on the ground with a thump.