Collection of Funny Short Stories

Dana's Harp Lessons

A retired teacher sat in a rocking chair, her glasses slipping down her face as she tried to read an activity magazine. A half filled cup of tea sat on a small table next to her.

“Oh, Dana, what are you going to do with yourself?” the lady said, setting the magazine aside.

Dana picked up the cup of tea and took a sip. It was cold and she set it back on the table in disgust. Then her eye caught on the magazine cover.

“Harp Lessons, only $50 per month!” she exclaimed.

She looked into space and imagined herself on stage in Broadway, playing the harp so beautifully that no one could ever compete with her music. Her fingers strummed on the cords and the sound floated all over the world, and she became the most famous person in the world.

She sighed blissfully as floated out of her dreams.

“I must become a harp player!” she resolved, running to the phone, the magazine flapping in her hand behind her.

The next afternoon, Dana put on her most beautiful clothes and ran to the street, waving a taxi. She climbed into the taxi and told the driver to take her quickly to fame and fortune.

“In other words Eighth street, Majestic Music Club,” she said when the driver looked at her confused and had asked her if that was a restaurant.

When Dana arrived, she strutted in and boldly signed her name on the pad that was offered by the man behind the front desk.

“In a few years, I'll never have to sign in. Everybody will know who I am!” she said, holding her head high.

Still gloating and looking proud, she walked slowly (like a supermodel, she said to herself) into the open door of her class. The teacher looked up and greeted her.

“Hello, my name is John. I'll be your harp teacher,” the teacher said.

“Hello John, I'm Dana, your best student,” she said disdainfully.

John began to tell her what the basic notes and measures were, but Dana got bored and demanded he give her the harp he was holding.

“I'm a natural!” she said.

John gave her the harp and braced himself. Dana began to play the most horrible thing he had ever heard. He even saw that a string snapped.

“Enough!” he yelled.

“Seen to much of my greatness? Very well, I shall stop shoving you mercilessly into the shadows. I call that jingle, Dana's Wonderfulness,” Dana replied, bowing to an imaginary crowd.

Eventually, John got so fed up with Dana that he kicked her out of class and refused to teach her.

“You can't recognize greatness when you see it, John!” she screamed and kicked as the police struggled to drag her out of the room.

A few days later she sat in her old apartment, looking at magazines. Then it struck her.

“Maybe harp isn't for me, but I'm sure guitar, for only $30 a month, is perfect!” she said, triumphantly punched her fist into the air.