Mine // Carl Gallagher

Chapter 41

      Today was the day that Sophia would be seeing Carl for the first time since the cops took him away to Juvie on Christmas. She was extremely nervous and could barely focus during school. It had been the only thing on her mind all last night and all day.

     During her lunch period, she sat down at her normal table with her few friends. Her newest friend, Amaya, sat down next to her and noticed how upset Sophia looked. Amaya said, "Hey are you ok? You look sadder than normal.." Sophia gave her a small smile and shrugged as she played with her food, "Yeah I'm better. I'm actually visiting Carl at Juvie  for the first time today after school.. it's been so long. I'm just nervous and can't think about anything else. Fiona visited him last night and said he's doing okay but he's really depressed. I don't know if I'm ready to see him like that."

     Anya grabbed Sophia's hand and held it, "Hey, don't worry about it. It'll be okay. Just look on the bright side, he'll be so happy when he sees you and he'll be home in just 2 months. You will both probably feel a lot more at peace once you talk to each other. This will be good." Sophia felt really relieved that Anya was able to make this unfortunate situation sound more positive. She smiled, "Thank you Anya. You're right, this... this will be good."

      The school day was over and Sophia just got home. She immediately went over to Fiona who was sitting at the kitchen counter and was working on her laptop. Sophia said, "Hey can we go now? I really just want to go see Carl, I've been thinking about this all day." Fiona smiled and got off her stool, "Yeah let me go grab the car keys." Fiona ran upstairs to her bedroom while Sophia leaned against the counter with her head in her hands. She was extremely anxious and suddenly started to overthink everything. Sophia felt really insecure, what if he wasn't happy with her appearance anymore? Her depression had caused her to lose weight as well and she had dark circles under her eyes. Her hair was longer than normal and how she dressed had gotten lazier. Hell, she had completely stopped wearing makeup too ever since he went away. She really didn't want him to be disappointed with how she looked when she saw him. However, it was too late for her to fix any of that because Fiona was already downstairs with her car keys. Fiona gave Sophia a small optimistic smile, "You ready?" Sophia really wasn't ready, but she nodded and followed her out to the car.

      The car ride to the detention center was pretty silent since Fiona could tell that Sophia was anxious & probably just wanted some time to think. It felt like it took forever to get there but in reality it was only a 10 minute drive. Suddenly, Sophia knocked out of her daze when she noticed that the car was parked outside of the dark fenced-in building. Fiona gave Sophia reassurance, "Hey, relax girl. Trust me, he'll be so happy to see you that he'll probably piss himself! It'll be a great surprise." Sophia smiled and gave Fiona a tight hug, "Thank you so much. This will probably take a while." Fiona responded, "Of course. Just give me a call whenever you're done." Sophia nodded and got out the car.

      Sophia entered the building and shyly walked up to the old secretary at the front desk, "Hi my name is Sophia Carter.. I'm here to visit Carl Gallagher." The woman said, "Oh you know that inmate. I'll need to see some ID then I'll buzz you in and call for him." Sophia nodded and frantically searched in her purse for her ID then handed it to the lady. The woman squinted her eyes as she looked at Sophia's photo, "You've obviously had a bit of a rough time since you got that photo taken... but you're good to go." Sophia now definitely felt insecure about how she looked, she didn't know it was that obvious that her appearance had gotten worse. The woman at the front desk buzzed Sophia in then spoke into the intercom, "Inmate 55093 has a visitor."

     Sophia walked through the doors that automatically opened as her heart was ready to beat right out of her *very* flat chest. She grasped her bag tightly with her sweaty palms as she sat down at an empty chair in the visitor room. There was a black telephone on the table with a wall of glass in front of her, the other side empty. She tried to fix her hair frantically in the reflection of the glass, but she just ended up tangling it.

      Suddenly, she saw Carl walk up to her on the other side of the glass with handcuffs around his wrists and an officer right behind him. The moment he saw her he stopped in his tracks and they just stared at each other for a solid 10 seconds. The officer gestured for Carl to sit down in the chair opposite from Sophia, so he did. They were both speechless and were lost in each other's gazes. Fiona was right, Carl had lost some weight and his eyes were almost black. He looked so exhausted (but not any less attractive).

     Carl picked up the telephone on his side and so did Sophia. Carl gulped and spoke weakly, "Sophia... I can't believe you're here. I thought you would've been pissed at me for getting arrested. I half expected me to come home in 6 months and for you to have left.. I've missed you so fucking much, a day hasn't gone by that I haven't thought of you. You're still as beautiful as ever I see. I- I don't even know what to say."

     Sophia was already crying and all she could do was stare at him, "It's so painful for me to not be able to touch you right now... this stupid piece of glass. And of course I'm not mad, I'm so lonely without you. I just want to hold you forever and never let go. I've wanted nothing more than to see you again. You know you're my entire world, I would never ever leave you... and come on. You don't have to lie about me looking beautiful, I've been a mess without you. I really haven't been taking care of myself like I should."

        Carl slightly laughed his deep laugh that Sophia missed so much, "You know I'd never lie to you babygirl.. you always look like an angel. But yeah, me too. I've barely slept or eaten, nothing is the same without you... Oh God I barely have any words right now. I love you so so fucking much. I just want to hear your voice... tell me about what's been going on with you while I've been gone."

       "Well... not much honestly. Same old, same old pretty much. It's just quiet and awkward without you around. School sucks without you with me. Sleeping sucks without you with me. Living sucks without you with me.. I've just been so sad without you. The bed is always cold and lonely, I've resulted to cuddling with your pillow but it's not the same of course. Everything has just been so empty, I've been counting down the days until you come home."

    Carl sighed and leaned his forehead against the glass that separated them as he held the telephone up to his ear, "I know it's hard baby, I know. I just really need you to take care of yourself for me. Eat everyday, shower everyday, smile everyday, get enough sleep. It breaks my heart that my absence is doing this to you, I'm such an asshole. But you know I'd come home right now if I could. We've made it through 4 months already though, we can make it through 2 more. Just hang in there for me. Everything will be okay and go back to normal..."

Sophia didn't know what else to say, she was stuck in this state of shock. She had so much to say but failed to get her words out, she just wanted to look at him and take in his presence.

Carl said, "You wanna know something? I snuck a picture of you and I on our first date in with me. I keep it under my mattress and I look at it every night and every morning."

She smiled and leaned in to kiss him, but her lips just hit the glass that she momentarily forgot was there. He laughed, "This goddamn glass... But trust me, when I get home we'll be able to touch each other allll we want.." He winked at her jokingly to lighten the mood, causing her to laugh her first genuine laugh in months. Suddenly, the officer tapped Carl on the shoulder, "Visiting time is up. Time to go." Carl was forced to stand up from his chair and Sophia began to cry again.

       Sophia cried, "Carl please don't go." He teared up once again and all he wanted to do was give her a hug goodbye, but he couldn't even do that. "I know babygirl, I don't want to leave but I have to. Just come visit me soon, and I'll be home before you know it. I love you with all my heart, don't worry about me."

        She was now full on sobbing, "I love you so so much, I promise I'll be back soon. Stay strong and I'll be waiting for you."

       Carl was now practically being dragged away from his officer as he yelled back to her, "I love you! Remember to stay away from other guys and use that gift I got you on Christmas!!" Sophia laughed to herself and whispered, "It doesn't feel the same.." She looked up one last time and the other side of the glass was empty. He was gone.