Letters To My Ex

love, the beginning of the end

the dumbest thing i ever did was end it with you.

march 26.

the first guy that ever hurt me, caleb, wanted me back. again. he has a habit of making sure i'm alive every once in like a month. this time, he texted me for more than just one day. 

this time he said he wanted to get back together.

he said that he wants me again.

he would always text me. i fell into his trap again and it became clear to me at that moment that i still might have loved him, that i never stopped. so i needed to commit to him and so i let you go.

i remember the morning i march 26 very well. how i asked you where you thought we were going, and you couldn't give me a clear answer, so i decided for you. i told you i'm getting into a relationship with someone else.

and for the next hour we argued. you were so mad and i can never forget that.

you were so hurt.

you told me you couldn't trust anyone else.

you told me i betrayed you.

you told me and told me and i felt worse and worse every minute.

i should have said then and there that i was making a mistake and stop what i was doing.

i thought i was letting you down easy and trying to make sure we ended on good terms. but what i was doing was makin git worse, ecspecially since it was over text and not in person.

i am an idiot.

i let you go.

you fought with me for an hour, at least. 

and when you started giving up, and i tried to end the conversation for the hundreth time, i asked if we're good again and again. you kept saying, "there is nothing else to say."

still don't quite know what that meant. there was lots left to say. but i ended the conversation, and i am an idiot.

i thought we were done for good.

i thought you were still hung up on me.

so i pushed you to the side for the millionth time and focused on caleb.

but on march 26 you were not letting me go until t.he day was over.

the break up happened between like 10-11:30am. at 3pm you posted on instagram, and the caption was directed right at me, and that was what made me mad at you. you were mad and hurt, so you made me mad and hurt. we fought later that night and i was so relieved to have caleb to call mine again.

two days later caleb stopped talking to me. just like that. he pushed me off to the side without a warning.

i should've went back to you right away, maybe then it would've worked out better.

but maybe not.

i don't know how long it took me to try and take you back. a week? but by then you didn't give a fuck about me. or at least you acted like it.

and that is what hurt the most.

if i didn't end it, you might still be mine. 

i am an idiot. you were smart to let me go.