It's all your fault (Masky x reader)

Chapter 19: next

A/n
I honestly don't know what to write I was thinking of ending the book kinda soon but I don't want to end this book so soon..

Right now I thought of something really cool for my hoodie x reader so I'm changing the whole story. So the posting date for the book will be later then I expected.
I also started a Toby x reader.
I might do a BEN one. But maybe but I don't think so..
After that I was thinking of doing.. well I'm not gonna say, gonna be a secret project almost.
That is only if people are still reading my books and etc.

Also I will be starting a CP Instagram account soon. I will follow anyone that follows me :)
And if anyone wants to see what I look like then I have my personal account.
Once I make the CP account I will put the user name on here.
Boop

I feel really sick and nauseous right now so sorry if this is bad. I might actually do only 1 update a week now.. I'll see. If I'm getting worse I think I will.

Published: June 15 1:55am 2018
Song: In my head by Peter Manos
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\||•(Y/n)s POV•||/

'We pretend,
We do it all the time.

Happy, aren't We?
We laugh:
big teeth, tight smiles.

Alone, aren't we?
Huge crowds:
masses, claustrophobia.

But who knows the truth
Our truths

Wide eyes, white grin

think for a second

I've wore a hole in my mind from thinking

Happy, aren't We?' - a old poem by me

Days and days have passed and I still haven't said anything to Tim. I mean I want to say something but what would I say to him?
I mean do I like him?
Do I really have feelings for him?
I'm so confused and I don't know what to do.
And it's effecting my training and patrols.
I have to do something but I don't know what.
What should I do?
What should I say?
I was drowning in my own thoughts.
My own misery.
In regret.
Laced in my thoughts.
He's only in my thoughts.
And I can't let it go.
And brings out the worst of me.

I am overthinking and now listening to my dark thoughts.
Making me drown further and think even more.

'It was probably a joke. He probably doesn't like me anymore. Probably thinks I'm a coward and worthless. Why do I even bother?'

I shook my head and looked at my bloody and cut wrists and hands.
I needed to relieve all the hate and stress.
It lowers the voices.
It calms me.
It's my escape.

I can barely feel it anyway. I've just become so numb to pain.
I've felt it all.
I've had it all.
I've been through it all.

Well everything but heartbreak. It might not be actually broken, but it feels like it.
I hate all these emotions.
I hate myself, this world and anyone in it.

Just let me know and I'll be out the door.
Out of your life.
It's not like I mattered anyway.
Not like I made a change.
I am a nobody.

I look over to my bedside drawer and opened it. There inside the drawer lay a grey lighter, a pocket knife, a pack of cigarettes, bottle of Advil and white bandages. I took out the bandages and wrapped it around both of my wrists and hands.