The Power of Pain

Chapter 17

Hermione let the lotion roll over her, taking the time to take stock of her body. Her wrist was especially sharp, the bone rolling under her fingers as she massaged the lotion in. Her forearms were just as thin, barely a muscle to be had. She could feel it moving under her fingers as she worked but it was hardly enough. 

When she had finished with her arms she gently reached up to her neck. It too was very thin, not a single ounce of extra around her jaw nor under her ears. Her shoulders felt equally narrow and hallowed as she dipped her hand down into the crevice. She could only imagine herself to be a walking skeleton and the image made her frown. 

She leaned carefully over to her legs, pulling them up a bit as she worked the lotion into her knees. Knobby would have been an understatement as she ran her fingers down her shin. The muscle underneath was solid but very small. She flexed her toes lightly, feeling it shift. She wagered that it couldn't have been much bigger than her poor excuse for a bicep.

She rested back on the chair taking a bit of lotion into her palm and ran her hand under her shirt. Despite her compressed position, her stomach felt barely there. The skin tight and rough. Her fingers grazed over a rather deep indent near her rib tracing it up between her breastbone and back over her shoulder. It felt faded in places but still very present. Another roughness had met her fingers along the center of her breastbone. 

Scars. She paused before running her finger along its length again, it was a scar, and a rather large one, she wondered if she had a matching one on her back, if that could have been what was causing her discomfort this whole time. She made a bit of a face as she hazarded a guess to what she must have looked like. How ugly and deformed she must have appeared. 

She bit her lip as she held herself back. She had never thought herself exceptional in the beginning but as she took full stock of herself she realized, that it was no wonder the man who cared for her was so reluctant to see her, let alone touch her. She wouldn't have wanted to touch her either. She sniffled a bit as she pushed the feeling down. Setting the bottle of lotion to the side, she curled her arms around her stomach; letting the feeling of self-depreciation waft over her, allowing it to fill her.

Severus was just putting in the toast when he felt her wash over his shields. He frowned deeply as he listened to her inner catalog of her body. He cracked the eggs into the frying pan as he listened to her discover each new blemish or bone. The way her thoughts lingered over the curse that ran across her chest. She had no memory of what she looked like, other than the one on the final day. She had looked unhealthy even then and it gave her no consolation as she took in her current state. 

He paused in his efforts as she thought about him, and his resistance to touch her. The way he constantly pulled back from her whenever she tried to touch him. How she brought that upon herself and he couldn't help but still his hand pushing out of his safety.

My prudence is in no way a reflection of your form. His words wrapped themselves around her, he could hear her pause in her own thoughts as his words reached her. 

He felt her turn them over, and weigh each one as he started to mix their eggs. As he felt her start to reject them, he pushed forward again, You're beautiful. 

He hadn't actually meant to project his image of her from that morning to her, but he felt he couldn't restrain his observation. The way she laid out, the sun in her hair. It had been truly a beautiful sight, if only to him.

Hermione gasped softly as the blackness of her sightless world shifted into a projected image, she was awake but she was seeing a memory. His memory. The perspective was higher than what she would have expected, she hadn't really thought about how tall he must have been. She was seeing exactly through his own eyes as he looked down at her. Her hands went to her parted lips as she took in her form through his eyes. She wasn't sure why but it was a most peculiar out of body experience, watching and feeling from another person's perspective.