The Power of Pain

Chapter 20

Severus had made himself scarce for a long while. Hermione could hear him moving about in various parts of the house. She wanted desperately to call out to him, to apologize, to reach out to him, anything. She had tried to use their connection again but to no avail. He was sealed tighter than a Gringotts vault. 

She sighed softly, she had lightly grazed at the new memory but she was hesitant to open it. She had long suffered that choice for over five years now. She put a hand to her heart. Five years with nothing but the darkest day of her life for company had left her wary of her own mind. Despite the success between them now and her desire to know more, she was always brought back inside herself with the fear—the fear that perhaps the new information would lead her back inside forever. 

The creature had forced the memory on her in the beginning, but over time, she found herself opening the book herself just to feel, anything. She had felt her very essence weaken under the weight of pain and time.

She knew her soul wasn't solid anymore. No, she had felt the small hairline cracks that had formed with each passing day. Each reliving. Though something else had kept her from completely breaking. 

She had managed to turn the incredible pain of that day into an armor. She suspected that was what she was dealing with now. A man, who had taken all his pain, all his hardships, and wrapped it so tightly around himself that he wasn't even aware of the cracks in his being. That he was simply held together by those painful memories that he clung so tightly to. Did he even have any positive memories left?

She felt exceedingly selfish now. Asking something that seemed so simple to her, of a man who couldn't possibly have complied. Their connection was only so strong, would it even be possible...possible for her to put the man and herself back together again? Her jaw set as she decided, either she was— or she was going to die trying.

She stayed in her own mind disregarding his movements about the house and started to busy herself with her hair. She ran her fingers through the best she could, pulling out the tangles. She hadn't a hair tie on her and wondered slightly if it the one from before was somewhere near her. She flexed her toes a bit wondering if her legs would be able to support her feeble weight. She was already finding it easier to move her upper body around. 

She decided that it was best not to test the patience of the man who had taken care of her thus far and stayed put. She opted instead to work her mane into a tight French braid, using a trick she wasn't sure where she'd learned, to tie off the end with a loop of her own hair. It wouldn't stay perfect for long, but at least it was out of her face for the time being.

A soft crack from outside the house brought her brows up. She carefully turned in the lounge as she heard Severus come back down stairs. Unseen to her, his arms carrying a bit of clothing that he had finally decided to wash. She heard him move to the kitchen and chewed her lip with curiosity as to who their new guest was. There was a bit of shuffling as he let someone in, their voices too low for her to hear clearly.

Draco had come, laden with his spoils of Professor McGonagall's task. He had with him a trunk now resized and filled to the brim with all sorts of his Godfather's personal effects. It had taken him the better part of the evening to even disable the wards and the better half of the early morning collecting what he was asked. He was exhausted and it showed on his face. He had chosen to take a half day at work, having been unable to perform on the little sleep he'd managed.

Severus had curiosity hidden in his scowl as the young man put the trunk on the floor. He would have pressed him for questions had he not seemed at his wit's end already. He was secretly proud that he had even managed his wards. Though he also felt greatly violated at the idea of someone entering his private chambers.