karma → 5sos au

0.6

Jess came to visit a few days later. Or was it the same day? Bryana couldn't keep track of time, didn't even try. 

"Shhh. I brought you something," Jess said, whispering, acting very secretive as she dug in the big, floppy embroidered bag she always carried.

"I like your hair," Bryana said. She stretched her legs out so the blanket fell off. Her toes were a pretty red colour. She admired them as she waited for Jess to answer her.

"My hair? I didn't even brush it." She continued to rummage in the bag. "Here it is." She looked behind her to the door to make sure no one was coming in.

Bryana laughed at the secrecy. "Jessie -what on Earth - ?"

Jess handed her a Snickers bar. "Quick - hide it."

"A Snickers bar? Jess, I'm touched!"

"Just hide it," Jess insisted, "before they take it away from you. I figured this is probably the one time you won't be watching your weight."

"What a wonderful present," Bryana said, slipping the candy bar under the sheet. She didn't want it, Jess should know that Bryana doesn't eat sugar. 'I have to maintain a beautiful body!' Bryana would tell Jess whenever she offered to take Bryana to the candy store. Jess rolled her eyes every time.

The girls talked, animatedly at first, then awkwardly in fits and starts. They both realized that they had less to talk about now that they didn't go to the same school or had the same friends.

They talked about Bryana's broken bones, and about how her mother was taking it all. They talked about how Michael was thinking about dying his hair, and how Jess had met a cute boy at the mall.

Then, as if she had been leading up to it all along, Jess said, "Mikey told me about . . . Luke."

"Yeah," Bryana said, reaching over to adjust the tube that was still stuck to her wrist.

"It- it must be so hard for you," Jess said, staring hard into Bryana's eyes, looking for something there.

"Yeah. Well . . ." Bryana didn't know what Jess expected her to say. And why was she staring at her so intensely?

The silence grew really awkward. "I wish I felt more," Bryana said, mainly to fill the silence.

"Huh? What do you mean?" Jess looked really surprised. As usual, Bryana thought.

"I mean, it's so awful. When Michael told me Luke was dead, my first reaction was, 'Now I don't have I break up with him.'"

Jess's mouth dropped open. "Really? That's really the first thing you thought?"

Uh-oh. I've gone too far, Bryana thought. I've been too honest. I should've known better. I should've known that would shock Jess.

It shocks me too, in a way.

"You really didn't feel anything?" Jess asked, shifting uncomfortably in the small folding chair, her hands playing with the folds of her bag.

"I guess it just hasn't sunk in," Bryana said, beginning to feel tired again, wishing Jess would just leave.

"Oh."

"I mean, I'm just numb, I guess. You know. From the painkillers and stuff. I'll feel it later. I'm sure."

Jess just stared at her, much like the way Michael had. The same dumbfounded look, aghast that Bryana had it in her to be so cold.

"Well, I know it sounds a little cold -" Bryana started to say, and then decided she had nothing to be defensive about.