Redeeming Qualities

~Chapter 6~

Taylor's POV:

"I should have said it a year ago, but you're important to me and I want you in my life."

"We could have more good days, if you wanted...."

"We have a lot of fixing to do, but I think we can do it, if we both try.."

"Hey, it's alright. I just want to help, okay?"

I should feel good right now. I should feel like things are finally starting to look up, but this is just like it was almost a year ago. This is some of the most intense heartbreak I've ever felt, because for a minute, I actually let Moss think that I could straighten up for him.

There's no way that I can fix things with him without completely destroying his friendship with Ty, and I know how he is about him. He stuck with football for three years just for him, he has taken the fall for him so many times.

I don't want to ruin it.

What if you're not the only one, idiot? What if there's other girls? What if he did it to Juniper?

They've been dating for way longer than him and I have. It's different with Juniper, I think. If he hasn't done it yet, he won't.

You're stupid.

Shut up!

I grab my hair, and pull it. Today shouldn't have happened, I'm starting to get selfish. I cannot let another friendship between Moss and me develop. It will hurt him. It will hurt Juniper. It will hurt Sarah.

The whole day, I had myself convinced that maybe I could do it. Maybe him and I could be friends, and not have it be weird, and not get too attatched again.

I believed myself until he touched my wrist.

And it felt good. For a split second, I wasn't scared. I wasn't triggered by it, I wasn't with Tyler, I was with him. That's until it sunk in how horrifying it was that he could get such a reaction out of me.

All of the memories came rushing back in that moment. Tyler, me hurting Moss.

In this moment, I can't tell if him touching my wrist and me not reacting immediately was progress, or if was the opposite.

I set my alarm for an hour later than usual. I know I won't be showing up to first period tomorrow, or ever. This means that eventually my mother is going to find out that I have been skipping, but I can't do it. I would rather have my mother know than to be in a class with him.

I will tell her soon.

It is my first time actually attending classes, and it's the second week of school. Jesus, I'm a mess. My classes go by smoothly. I am generally an A student, so I am not worried about failing classes. Either way, I stay extra focused because I don't want my mind to start wondering to things that might set me off.

The one exception to an otherwise easygoing day, was the fact that Sarah was in my fourth period class, the one right before lunch. Thankfully enough, I don't have to sit near her. I actually made it a point to sit in the complete opposite side of the room. I don't hate her, she's misunderstood.

I did something stupid, and dared to look up at her. She was looking at me, and glared at me.

The lunch bell rang, and I tried to wait until everyone else left the class to leave. It turns out, Sarah had the same idea. I don't want to be stuck alone in a room with her, so I leave before she does.