You Left

80| The End

You always went on about how you didn't have a heart. How your heart was hard. But then you loved me. You said I softened it. You changed. People said you were smiling a lot more. They told me 'well done'. 'good job'. I was confused until I asked. And they told me since you've been speaking to me there's a light that shines off your face. I didn't believe it. but then I recalled. And yes. That light was happiness. You were happy. You were happy with me. With us. I did that. I made you happy. And you did too. You made me happy. So happy. But then you broke my heart. You broke me with all you lies. You ruined me. And I really, really loved you. I don't think I'll ever stop. I went numb. And the only time I felt an emotion was when I saw you. I felt pain. Heartache. My heart hurt physically. But that was the only emotion I felt for a while. Then I became so used to the pain. I stopped smiling. No more fake smiles. I barely sleep. It's tiring to speak. I hardly eat. My mind has shutdown. I've come to realization that I loved a person who didn't exist. I loved the person I thought you were. I miss the person I thought you were. I ache for a person who doesn't exist. And as for you? I feel sorry for you. I'm not saying this arrogantly or cockily. But I'm a lot to lose. And I know you miss me too. I know why you want to cry every time you look at me. I know you can't meet my eyes because you remember everything you did when you see the pain in my eyes. I know you can't speak to me without your voice cracking. I know. And I'd gladly take you back into my life. But you can't look at me without the pain. You said forever. That never lasted. You ripped out my heart then put me in a casket. And I think I've learnt my lesson. With trust comes pain. I forgive you. My heart is clean. And I will love every version of you. But for now; I will continue to miss the you I've loved for all these years until I find the person that I've loved. Because I know somewhere this person you projected yourself to be does exist. Not in you. But the person I love exists. And I will find them. And I will love them. So much more. And they won't hurt me. Because the you I loved would never hurt me the way you did.

- l.e