THE ART OF BURNING

XI: GET ME SOME LINGERIE AND CALL ME A SUGAR BABY

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CAIN

"GUYS," announces Meredith. "We should watch Food Boy."

"What the fuck is Food Boy?" Atlas asks.

"Oh, my God, the actual worst movie ever made." Meredith roughly grabs the Xbox controller out of Maya's hand, heading to the search menu and typing in FOOD BOY. The machine makes a satisfying clicking sound with each stroke. "It has that dude from High School Musical in it. The gay one."

"Ryan!" Callie adds enthusiastically. "Oh, I love him!"

Right now, Callie and Maya are cuddling on a blue bean bag chair, Fidel Castro purring away in their laps. The rest of us haven't even been in their apartment for half-an-hour, and we've already made ourselves at home. Meredith's gotten showered and cleaned up, and now she's wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants of Maya's, which are only a little small on her. Maya ordered pizza, and it's on its way. We're trying to find something to watch on Netflix while we wait on it, and now Meredith's in control of the remote. She and Silas are sitting on the edge of the coffee table, their ankles wound together. Atlas and I have taken over their worn red couch. He's sitting on one side of it like a normal person, and I'm spread the fuck out, laying on my side, my legs stretched over his.

Seeing the two of them, Callie and Maya, has made my gay heart swell to thrice its size. Even though they aren't that much older than I am, seeing Certified Gay Adults in action, being cute and domestic, gives me hope for the future—for a happy gay future with Atlas, maybe. Hopefully.

I'd never really thought about my future before.

But I don't think that I just hadn't ever thought about my future. I think I'd actively been avoiding it. It had always seemed like everyone around me was going to go on to some golden future without me, while I was stuck in the crummy past. I could actually have a future. I could spend a part of it—or all of it—with the boy that I love. I mean, maybe. We're still in high school. The odds are stacked against us. But it's different with him. He's different than any guy I've ever dated. Not that I've actually dated a lot. Like, sure, I've had a couple flings, slept around a little, but I've only had, like, two real boyfriends. The gay dating pool isn't exactly an ocean.

All I know is that I think I like the thought of me and Atlas living in a cute little apartment together with a cat like Fidel Castro.

"The gay one and the first love of my life!" I say. "How could a movie with him in it be bad?"

"Because it literally is!" Meredith exclaims. "It's one of those movies that's so bad it's good. It's about this guy that has the power to, like, squirt food out of his hands. Have y'all seen that gif of Ryan sitting on a public bathroom's floor, crying over a bunch of slices of bread? That iconic piece of cinnamon topography is from this fuckin' movie."