Cauldron of anxiety and fears

Me vs. Myself (ft. I)

▓  1:30 AM || 42 missed calls. 22 unread messages.

*phone ringing*

Me: It's been 14 hours. Aren't you going to return her call?

Myself: Leave me alone, or I might break down and bawl.

Me: She's reaching out to you, why wouldn't you do the same?

Myself: Wouldn't doing so just be giving in to the same old game?

Me: She's only done it once, why should that ruin what you have?

Myself: She's had a chance not to do it at all, and yet chose to betray our love.

Me: She was safe! And with her friends. In which part was she unfaithful?

Myself: We shook on it, that if and only if I were there will she. Have I been taken for a fool?

Me: Has it slipped your mind that you've sworn to listen to each other?

Myself: And listen to her excuses? Are you kidding? Never.

Me: How would you know if you've deprived yourself of a version from her?

Myself: Shouldn't she be aware of what happens once it takes over?

Me: Just because she's done it under the spell doesn't mean she wanted to do it when sober.

Myself: Or that she's been wanting to, but needed an ounce of grit to be all over her.

Me: You're jumping into these agonizing conclusions again. Get your shit together.

Myself: I didn't need to jump. I'm already drowning. I'm trying, but it's taking forever.

Me: So then tell me why it's difficult, tell me why you're hurting.  

Myself: I have this picture in my head, and it's such a beautiful painting.

Me: If you say it's beautiful, then why is it painful?

Myself: Two people, smiling, with that one desire-- to be with each other. Almost perfectly, until a part was awful.

Me: Let me know, honey. What ruined your perfect picture? What do you want erased?

Myself: One of them is her, the other is me-- well, used to be, but now replaced.

Me: And because of these rubbish thoughts that you keep closing your doors?

Myself: If it were that easy, I'd be on my knees, maybe even on all fours.

Me: Then just replace this shitty canvas with the memories you have, and paint something again!

Myself: I can't. It's impossible. She might not realize, but I'm severed and broken.

Me: Quit the self torture! You're better than this the last time I checked.

Myself: Did she have her hands intertwined with hers? Did she feel her breath on her neck?

Me: Do you remember your first kiss? Remember how that felt?

Myself: Was her body against hers? Was the heat of her touch enough to make her melt?

Me: Remember how it tickled your insides? Remember how you wanted more.

Myself: Did she give her consent and let her reach places that we promised were only mine to explore?

Me: Remember how you felt the first time you saw her-- all of her. Remind yourself of every inch of perfection carved on her body.

Myself: One word-- beautiful. She's all there is on my mind, but when she did what she did, did she at least think about me?

Me: Remember how your heart so crazily wanted to jump out of your chest the moment she told you that she felt the same way too?

Myself: Did she realize that she still had feelings for her, and did she confess to tell her that she still does too?

Me: And here we go again. Still stuck in this stupid lane.

Myself: Maybe it's what I've been looking for -- maybe I needed this pain.

Me: Because you want someone to take responsibility that you're having her take all the blame?

Myself: Perhaps. And that after this, things will never be the same.

Me: All of these because you refuse to listen to what she has to tell you.

Myself: So what exactly do you want me to do? 

Me: Endure it. It's temporary. Talk to her. Will you?

Myself: Easier said than done.  I need something to hold on to.

Me: The trust mutually earned and memories made by you two.

Myself: What if some things are really just meant to fall apart?

Me: But somewhere in your heart, you know she's the only one who can mend your broken heart.

I: Can I say something? There's one thing, so listen, both of you.

Me&Myself: Go ahead, I'd hurry up if I were in your shoe. There's not much time and we have a lot to do.

I: I love her. And so do you. At least that much is true.

          Now it's our turn to protect the moon that has embraced everything about you.

PS. For Myself, as a reminder of how much she matters to Me, because I love her , only her, and for all she is.