The Return of Rose

Chapter 23: Our Plan

Every once and awhile Christian kept glancing at me from his plate while I was busy eating, pretending I wasn't noticing.

I set my fork down and looked up. "Christian if you have something to say, say it." I raise an eyebrow and cross my arms, waiting for his response.

"Did everything go well yesterday?"

"Indeed. It did." I smiled while I took a sip of orange juice from glass. "I got rid of the car, our phones and of course bought new ones and I also happened to go to our storage for my bag."

"The storage? Bag? You're changing your identity? Isn't this too rash?!"

I took two breaths in and out. I also tried eating to calm myself, but I felt like throwing it out due to my anger. Did he not understand my plan? Didn't he have trust for me?

He wasn't on board like I wanted him to be.

Then make him.

"I know that we're in for a change—don't get me wrong Lana, I understand what you're doing and I trust you but moving on to that. To the point where you're going to change your identity?"

"Christian dear, we're going into hiding for a little. I change my name, my looks even," He looked at me even more confused. "If we want to disappear from Chris's radar I have to look different Christian. And no not surgery. But listen, once we rise anonymously I can then stop with the hiding under masks. Metaphorically speaking....I think."

"Okay yeah. Fine I'll stop questing you. You're right. I trust you, Lana." Christian says with sincerity. He goes back to eating.

I nod. I look down at my barely eaten food and realize I have no appetite. I stand up. "I'm going to shower now." I tell him and leave.

I shut my door and enter the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror and immediately fist my fists. I hated what I was looking at.

You're fucking worthless. Can't you see that nobody cares for you?

"They do." I nod to myself. "They do." I smile, tears running down my eyes.

Then who's by your side? Except for a boy who's actually forced to be by your side?

"I fucking hate you." I pulled on my hair and cried.

I turn the water on scorching hot and step in. I sit down letting the water burn my back as I sit there crying.

At that moment I felt anger, sadness, yet I also felt nothing. I wanted to lie there for eternity but I snapped out of it and eventually got myself cleaned. I hated that I was pitying myself. I hated myself. I hate what my mind was doing to me. My inner self.

I once again looked at myself in the mirror, but this time not in sadness but in anger. I hated that my arms had fat and my thighs weren't good enough for me. My body wasn't good enough.

Obviously since you can't keep a man.

"Who the fuck needs a man?"

"Christian we're going somewhere. Let's go." I say then walk downstairs with my purse on my side. I open the door walk down the few steps and get in the car then start it up.

I search through my bag as I hear my phone ring.

"Hello."

"You're still coming right?"

"Of course. Have your people ready please. And remember I'm just a friend. Don't say neither of my names please and thanks." I smile even though he can't see me.