livs pov
i woke up and my eyes hurt. i checked the time and it was 2AM. i gasped, remembering everything that happened yesterday. i squirmed off of joey and crawled into a ball. my throat tightened as i was about to cry, and i did, the tears poured out and my breathe felt as if it was stopping. i could barely move. joey would want me to wake him up but i dont want to bother him. im so scared, what my dad said yesterday... about me being hot or something, it really scared me. what if? what if he wants to fuck me or something, my own father?! what if hes here, what if he never left? i was panting, ill go for a walk, i thought. i attempef getting up but i was too weak and i felt almost dehydrated.
"liv?" joey whispered.
i couldnt speak, just shudder and cry.
"hey!" he said sitting up. "look at me." he grabbed my hands and held them, scooching closer to me.
i looked up at him, breathing quick and scared.
"im gonna calm you down, and then well go for a walk and youll tell me what happened, okay?" he said.
i nodded, still panting, thoughts flooding through my head.
your dad wanted to participate in insest! a laughing voice went off in my head:
your dad is a fuck up, no wonder where you got it from.
joey only talks to you because his mom makes him since youre so fucked up.
youre ugly.
youre fat.
youre worthless.
"AHHHH! MAKE IT STOP!" i yelled covering my ears and falling backwards onto the bed.
"shh shh shh" he grabbed my hands and pulled me back up, shoving me into his chest.
the voice stopped, i was calming.
he was calming.
"liv your father is a terrible person, im not gonna lie to you. you deserve so much better baby and i hate seeing you like this. youre such an amazing person, inside and out, not to mention youre gorgeous! i just want you to be happy." he played with my hair.
"i just ruin people lives, including mine. my dad left because of me, because i wasnt a boy. he thought maybe he could deal with me being a girl but he reized he couldnt and took nick away. you wanna know the last words he said to me? 'girls are good for nothing, theyre only on this earth for sex and to reproduce!'" i sobbed.
"hes wrong, and you know it liv, look at me." i looked at him.
"youre beautiful, dont let anyone make you lose that train of thought." he said.
"i-i-im just...scared jo..." i was hyperventilating. "i cant breathe." loud, heavy breathing escaped my throat unpredictably and i felt uncomfortable, wanting to, die i guess. "i-i just w-wa-want to ffeel s-safe again jo...i-i hate him sso much." i put my head in between my knees. "i wanna die" i said.
"hey. babe. calm down please. anyone who makes you feel like this should be deleted from your life. i get it its your dad, but he shouldnt make you feel this way, he doesnt deserve such an amazing girl like you." he said holding my hands and looking into my eyes.
"if im so amazing then why would he leave me?" i asked, looking into his bright eyes.
"because, hes messed up liv, none of this is your fault. it may feel like it, but its not." he leaned in closer.
"thanks f-for being here joey." i said.
"no prob" he smiled leaning in for a kiss.
i needed him right now. i wasnt calm and he makes me calm.
he pressed his lips on mine and calmness flowed through my body. my veins filled with happiness and shudders sent down my spine. my tears felt as if they were sucked back underneath my eyelids as i wrapped my arms around his neck and put my legs down. i could finally breathe again, all stress was pushed away, pulling in all the love and affection i feel for the boy in front of me. he let go, "wanna go for a walk?" he asked.
i nodded in response, getting up. he handed me a pair of his sweatpants and i left a loose crop top here once so he gave me that.
we walked around the block, he didnt fail to make me laugh at least 5 times. i seriously love him.
we made it back home and i quickly went to sleep since i was tired and worn out.
"night babe, ill plan something fun for you tomorrow." he smiled as he kissed my head and cuddled me towards his chest.
"goodnight" i smiled.
