Ellipsis - Luke Hemmings

Chapter 1

I feel terrible. I feel dirty and I feel like a slut. I kissed my best friends boyfriend, who brutally rejected me. Who even am I?

My feet rub against the soft carpet, giving me but only the slightest comfort as I pace back and forth across my room. I'm dressed in nothing but my bra and some soft grey shorts I brought the other day. It's the middle of summer, I'm burning up and I really cannot be bothered to look presentable.

My mind is racing with a million thoughts at once. I don't even know why I kissed him. I don't feel anything for him. Maybe I'm jealous that I can't get anyone. I can get someone, can't I? I hope Lia doesn't find out. He promised he wouldn't tell but I know I can't trust him. I must be the worst best friend in existence. She will never forgive me for this.

"What the fuck are you doing Summer?!" His words screech through my mind and the memories of me backing away in horrific embarrassment, holding my hands up in front of my face replay repeatedly through my mind.

Tyler kissed me. That's why I kissed him. He tricked me into it. He got me drunk, kissed me, and then humiliated me. He pulled me in simply to reject me as soon as I took the bait. He knew what he was doing. He's trying to build a wall between me and Lia because I'm the only one who sees what an ass he is. It's completely not my fault. Well partially. But not all of it.

So why do I still feel so guilty?

Oh yeah, that's right, because it IS all my fault.

I scream at the top of my lungs, letting as much of the anger and upset out of me as possible. I smash my fists against my wooden dressing table, sending sharp shocks of pain through my hands, leaving what will be a million bruises along my knuckles, yet not affecting the dressing table in any way. I continuously slam my palms against the wood, tears spilling from the corners of my eyes and I screech and cry until my throat can't take it any more.

My palms are grazed and bleeding slightly, and the 3rd knuckle on my left hand is split, blood seeping out and dripping down the back of my hand. I'm a mess. I fucked up so bad.

Lia can't abandon me after she realises how I've betrayed her, but I know she will. I will be an empty shell of a person without the one solid thing in my life that keeps me grounded.

Splashes of cold water hit my face in an attempt to calm the redness of my cheeks and eyes. I remove what's left of the make up around my eyes, before wiping away what has smudged down my cheeks. I run the hot water over my palms and knuckles, wincing in the new found pain as the water swishes into the cuts that will eventually heal, but most likely scar and become a constant reminder of last night. I grab a towel and pat the wounds until the bleeding has stopped enough for me to be able to dress without getting my clothes stained with my blood.

I still look like an absolute mess as I apply just a little make up and change into some denim shorts and a baggy t-shirt. Comfort over style today, I'm afraid. I look into the full length mirror and sigh. I look dead, my soul has left and abandoned my body.

I run a brush through my hair, and tie it in a loose bun. I don't care to take time to style it because I honestly don't even know where I'm going to go, nor do I care about my appearance right now.

My parents are next door for breakfast with our neighbours, and I refused to go. Why would I want to eat with a bunch of people I don't care for? The most communication I'll probably have with them is sending smiles at each other when I leave the house in the morning. I hardly need to eat and make awkward small talk with them. That's the problem with my parents, they want to show off that we are some perfect 'dream' family, but really we all just coexist for survival.

I decide that food is what I currently need for survival, and then I guess I better go tell Lia what happened before Tyler crosses me and reveals all. I really wouldn't put that past him.