Affair with the King

Part 19

Juan appeared, flanked by Manuel, at Sarah's door the next afternoon, looking a broken man. He had loved his father dearly. Though everyone knew Ferdinand was ill, they all had a sense that he would live forever, a great leader, anointed by God, and blessed by Him. 

"Juan", she soothed, immediately taking him into her arms. His skin was cold to the touch. She moved him to sit before the fire. Turning to Miguel, she asked, "Has he eaten? Rested? Anything?".

"He has not even spoken", Manuel said, looking at his old friend with concern. "His own mother could not coax a single word out of him. I thought maybe you could comfort him".

"Please, send some food. Nothing heavy. Broth if possible".

"Of course, my lady". 

She walked him to the door, noticing there was a heavy presence of guards outside her chambers. Juan usually came to her unattended. "What is all this?"

"Juan is the king. There is expected to be some unrest, as there always is when there is a succession to the throne. This is for his protection. And yours".

"Mine?!"

"Caterina is now queen. She is a lot more powerful today than she was yesterday. You need to take care. Do you understand me?".

She looked at him, strangely, but nodded. "Please. We must see to Juan".

"Yes, my lady", Manuel said, bowing to her. He gave one last look to Juan before leaving. 

Sarah closed the door tight, then went to Juan, kneeling before him. He stared, vacantly, at the fire. She took his hands between hers, rubbing them to try to warm them. "Juan, my love".

He looked to her, but seem to see right through her. She reached up to stroke his face. After a few quiet moments, of her just being there and touching him, he finally saw her. 

"Sarah", he said, in a choked whisper. 

"I know", she said, hugging him tightly. "I know, my love". 

He grasped at her, pulling her up to him, onto his lap, his lips pressed against her cheek. "He's gone. I'm king. I'm not ready". 

"You are ready", she said, gripping his face between her hands, determination in her voice. "You are a kind, fair, just man, and you have the love of the people. You are doubting yourself because your heart aches. But, if there was ever a man to be king, you are it. I am grateful to be your subject, and I am proud to be the one who has your heart. And, you will heal enough so that you can see yourself as I do. As everyone does. A true king". 

He looked at her, wanting to believe her, but do filled with self doubt.

"But, you are also a man", she continued, softening her tone and her touch. "Who has suffered a terrible loss. In this room, you can be weak, my love. Mourn him. I know how much you loved him, and that he loved you equally. Mourn it". 

The door opened, a servant appearing with the food she had requested. She quickly went to him, taking the food and dismissing him. She put the tray down then went to the guards outside her room. "No one enter's this room, until the king says otherwise!".

She slammed the door shut, returning to Juan. She knelt before him again, unlacing his boots and removing them. "Will you eat something, my love? Just a little broth to keep up strength?".

He shook his head, no, and she did not press. She returned to his lap, curling up on it, gently stroking the back of his neck. He laid his head on her chest, his eyes filling with tears. He let out an anguished cry, gripping the fabric of her skirts tightly. She said nothing, made no effort to move. She just let him cry, his tears soaking the silk of her bodice. He let it all out, under the comfort of her gentle touch, unashamed. When the tears finally stopped she stood, taking him by the hand and leading him to the bed. She pulled the blankets back, then turned to him, removing his clothes. She quickly removed her own, then slipped a nightdress on, and got into bed, pulling him with her. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him as he had held her so many nights before. 

She began singing softly as she stroked his hair. Some lullaby he recognized from his childhood. One Maria used to sing to him. He looked to her, seeing the concern she had for him etched on her face. 

"I'll eat", he said, simply. 

A look of relief washed over her as she left the bed to get his food. She returned to him, lovingly feeding him spoonfuls of broth. He did not taste anything, but he felt the warmth of it as it slid down his throat. He suddenly realized how cold he was, shivering violently. 

"My love", Sarah said, worried. "Should I fetch the physician?".

"No", he insisted. "Just stay by my side".

She nodded, and continued to feed him. When he was finished, she put the empty bowl back on the tray and pulled a second throw off her chaise. She covered him up to his chin with the two blankets, then slid under them, next to him, pressing her body against his. 

"You must never leave my side again", he said, stroking her hair.

"Never", she promised. "Sleep my love".

"Will you leave me if I do?", he asked, afraid she would.

"I'm here, Juan", she soothed, stroking his face. She kissed him softly, allowing him to feel her love for him. "I'm not going anywhere".

He sighed, but closed his eyes. Her gentle touch soothed him to sleep faster than he expected. He was exhausted. When he woke up, the room was encased in darkness. Sarah was there, though, as she had promised she'd be, her leg thrown over him, her hand on his chest, fast asleep. 

He turned on his side, pulling her closer. She let out a soft moan and moved her hand to rest on his face, but she did not wake. He pressed his lips against her forehead and whispered "I love you", before falling back into slumber.