Jane Rochester: The Sequel

Mending Broken Hearts

The day was lovely. The skies were a brilliant bright blue set against an array of gossamery white clouds. The combined efforts of the blazing yellow sun and droplets of morning dew on the bright green grass created an iridescence. The birds were singing a bright tune, and I could not help but share in their enthusiasm. I felt that nature was approving of my choices. I thought to myself, "Nature is sharing in my joy this morning."
This morning, I sat on my Edward's lap in his chair before the fireplace. We had awoken early with each other, and were talking of our wedding arrangements.

Edward was asking if I might wear a white gown. I did not like the idea of wearing a wedding gown, but I was willing to comply with Edward's request to wear one. "Where shall I obtain such a gown, sir?" I asked with playful curiosity. "I believe that it would take too much time to hire a seamstress for alterations."

"But Janet, I still have your wedding trousseau from Thornfield," he said abruptly. Then I saw his face grow melancholy. His brow furrowed, and I saw tears brimming in his eyes. He gathered me to him so tightly that I could scarcely breathe. Then he lay his face against my neck, and I felt his warm tears wet my skin.

"Oh Edward, my darling, I'm so sorry," I said, holding him with a feeling of similar grief, as I pulled his face up to wipe away his tears. "I wish that I had never left you."

"I spoke thoughtlessly of the wedding gown just now, but you must know how I suffered without you by my side" he said. "Sometimes, I'm terrified that this is all a dream that I shall wake up from left all alone in my darkness again."
"I'm truly here with you, and I love you with all my heart," I said, whilst stroking his thick black hair and kissing his lips. "Tell me of your anguish Edward, so that we can vanquish your sufferings."

"You know that I searched for you tirelessly for months before the fire," he said. I took his hand in mine to let him know that I was by his side, and listening to him. "I thought you, my little Jane, to be dead. And what's worse? After I could no longer see, I knew that I could no longer search for you. I knew that suicide wasn't an option with my predicament, so I turned to God and prayed for him to reunite you and I in the afterlife."

"Oh, my love!" I exclaimed in tears myself now. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and embraced him. I wept into his shoulder, and I felt his tears wet my hair, as well. "Do not blame yourself, for I should have told you that I was leaving that morning. Instead, I selfishly left you alone to face your demons. I thank God that you were not killed in the fire!"

"Jane, my little darling, you must not blame yourself for any of my sufferings" he said, as he wiped away my tears with the pads of his strong fingers. "I deserved to die that day for deceiving you, my innocent love. I'm grateful that you were not at Thornfield during the fire, for I could never forgive myself for you getting harmed by her."
"Edward - " I tried to interject, but he cut me off.
"I understand why you chose not to tell me of your sudden departure," he said. "I was a horrid beast to you! What's worse, I tried to soil that pure and indomitable spirit of yours that makes up the essence of what I most love."

"Edward," I said, "please do not blame yourself. Forgive yourself as I have forgiven you, and know that it is past us."

"You are right. It is all past us, my love," he said, as he kissed me softly. "However, I cannot help but be reminded of my errors by my infirmities. I just wish that I could offer you more, for you deserve a man who is complete."
I lifted myself to the tip of my toes to meet Edward's much taller frame, swept back the shaggy black hair from his face, and kissed his sightless eyes. Then, I took his left arm and kissed the stump.
"Edward, do you really think me so vain?" I asked. "You know well that I am no great beauty, and yet you love me in spite of it. Your complete love and acceptance is all that I will ever desire, and I have it. In turn, you have my whole heart. Don't you know how much I love you? I have ever since you showed me a side of yourself that others did not see in you.
"And what is this "side" of me that you are referring to, Jane?" Edward asked me.
"You liked to pretend that you were the brooding, domineering, and surly master to most people," I said, "but as we grew closer you showed me a magnanimously passionate, mischievous, charming, generous, and loving side that you showed to no one else. You treated me as an equal.  I have never brought forth such a pleasurable reaction in anyone with my plain attributes...Until I met you."
"Ah, Janet!" Edward sighed happily. "If only you could understand how truly beautiful you are to me, my little angel."
"You, sir," I laughed, "are deluding yourself."
"What is this?" he asked, chuckling. "I thought that I told you never to call me 'sir' again, my little love."
"I shall call you Edward after we step through the alter today" I said. Then, I unfastened his pocket watch from my girdle. I noticed the time was ten o'clock AM. "Mr. Rochester, we must make arrangements to arrive at the church by noon today, and it is already ten o'clock."
"I suppose that you should leave me now, then" he said, as he gave me a quick kiss. "Mary shall assist you with your bridal finery, and John shall help me to get dressed."
"Alright, sir," I said, "I shall be with you in an hour."
I then climbed up the stairs to my chamber, and summoned Mary and John to assist Edward and I in getting dressed.
As I saw myself in the mirror, wearing the same bridal gown that I had worn one year ago, I could not help but remember my interrupted wedding and my sudden departure from Thornfield Hall.
I soon heard a knock on my door, and opened it to see my Edward before I thanked Mary. She, sensing that her assistance was no longer needed, walked out and shut the door behind her to give Edward and I some privacy.
"How I wish I could see you right now, my little fairy bride!" he said. "Please, my love, let me know what you look like right now."
I took his wandering hand in mine, and brought it to my arm, so that he could feel the simple white satin and lace material of my dress.
"You must look so lovely!" he said. I brought his hand to my neck, so that he could feel the pearl necklace around my neck. "Jane, do you truly wish to be my wife?" he asked in a self-doubting tone.
"Edward," I said taking his hand in both of mine, "please do not doubt my love for you. Of course, I wish for nothing more than to be your wife. However, you must stop doubting me. It hurts me when you do. Have I not proved a hundred times over that I shall never leave you for as long as I live? I truly love you with my whole heart. It is not pity-borne, as you might believe. I have forgiven you for deceiving me about your first wife from the moment you told me, but I could not stay to marry you when she was still living. You must believe me when I say that she was the only impediment, and I had forgiven you for deceiving me of her long ago. I would have still married you in your proud and independent state right now."
Then he gathered me to him in a tight embrace, lifted me off of my feet, and kissed me deeply.  "Forgive me, my love," he whispered breathlessly. "I should never have doubted your constancy. You, who have the greatest capacity for love and devotion in your heart that I have ever known in a woman. You, who have never once deceived me. You, who have revived me, and have the purest, kindest, and most passionate of spirits."
"Oh, hush, sir!" I said with tears shining behind my eyes, touched by the warmth and sincerity of his love for me. "I forgive you, but I hear John calling for us  at the carriage downstairs. Let's go."