Only When You're Drunk - A Troyler Fanfiction

Chapter 2: Talking

Chapter 2: Talking

-Troye’s POV-

I felt like I was going to vomit.

I clenched my fists against my jeans, watching as my knuckles turned white. Staring at them, I remembered.

Tyler’s knuckles gripped the bed sheets as I breathed heavily onto his collar bone, seductively grinding my teeth against his skin, desperately trying to leave my mark on him. He let out a low, throaty moan, and I leaned back to admire the contrast of the purplish love bite I’d just left against his pale skin. I almost immediately regretted it, knowing that I’d have to come up with an excuse the next morning, but as he looked at me, his eyes almost completely black with want, lust overtook me, and suddenly I didn’t care. I slammed my lips back against his hot skin, trailing my mouth along it and stopping at the soft spot on his jawline. His breath hitched when he felt my lips on his sweet spot, and I smiled against him, nipping my teeth against it. He gasped and pulled himself tighter against me.

"Fuck, Troye!” he growled, sounding almost animal-like. I quickly brought my mouth back to his, and I pulled his hair gently as he dragged his nails across my back.

Suddenly, I couldn’t be this close to Tyler anymore. I needed to take more pills. I needed to forget. It wasn’t until I saw Tyler staring at me with his big, concerned eyes that I realized how heavily I was breathing. I didn’t even want to imagine the look on my face. I stood up quickly, my mind on nothing but the numbing contents of my suitcase, but as I tried to walk to it, I felt a hand grab my wrist and I stopped dead in my tracks, knowing I should ignore him and keep going, but wanting so hard to spin around and collapse into him.

“Troye… can we talk?” Tyler whispered, biting his lip. Damn him. If only he knew what that did to me. I felt a lump form in my throat and swallowed hard against it, trying to ease the thoughts out of my mind as I stared back at him and slowly nodded.

“What’s up?” I asked as I hesitantly sat back down. Tyler looked away for a moment uncomfortably, biting his lip again. I felt the blood rush to my face as I stared at his lips, but quickly shook the thoughts away again.

“Lately you’ve been… distant,” Tyler began. “And we never used to be that way. I don’t want you to slip away from me. You can talk to me. This started to happen the first time we went out to the club with Han. You go somewhere sometimes when we're alone. Even though you're sitting right next to me, you're not there. You slip away and I don’t know how to get you back. Sometimes you’re gone for a few seconds, and other times you’re gone for a few hours. I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you… but please, let me in.”

“Tyler, I…” I stuttered, not knowing how to respond. How was I supposed to explain to him that I was acting distant because I was abusing sleeping pills to try and make myself forget I loved him? They had never worked to make me sleep, but they did make me temporarily forget the past when I took enough of them, and who was going to suspect anything when they found a bottle of sleeping pills in your luggage? I traveled a lot, and jetlag was extremely present in my life. Nobody would question it. Besides, they were just sleeping pills. You couldn’t get addicted to them… could you?

Suddenly, Tyler made a small noise that pulled me out of my thoughts, and I stared at him. There were tears brimming in his beautiful eyes, and I felt a pang of guilt in my stomach as I realized just how much my “distance” truly upset him. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around his shoulders and pull him into me. I knew I shouldn’t, that it would hurt me. But Tyler was already hurting, and I couldn’t stand it. I pulled him against my chest and let my arms wrap tightly around him, nestling my face against his hair and allowing myself to bask in the beauty that was this moment. Lavender and mint I thought to myself as I felt Tyler relax into the embrace.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered against his hair, feeling unwanted tears sting my eyes. Fuck.

I heard a sob escape from Tyler, and suddenly felt sick again. I had done this. He was sobbing into my shirt because I had been selfish enough to try and forget all of the moments that he could remember. I hated myself for making him feel this way. And I hated the way he made me feel… but I also loved it.

I let myself cry.

The tears broke free and rolled down my face as I began to shake violently, making a sound that could only be described as a mix between a sob and a whimper. I felt Tyler’s fingers dig into my shoulder, and that only made me cry more.

-Tyler’s POV-

“I’m sorry.” Troye said quietly. He had his face buried in my hair, and I felt his hot breath on my scalp when he spoke. Why wasn’t he telling me what was hurting him? I couldn’t help him unless I knew what the problem was, and I needed to help him. I was frustrated and scared, and all I wanted to do was press my lips to his. It felt confusing, and fucked up, and wonderful and awful all at once. I suddenly felt extremely overwhelmed as the tears I’d been trying to hold back spilled onto Troye’s shirt. I felt like sobbing but tried desperately to supress the urge. It was too late, though. Before I could control myself, the noise escaped my lips and I mentally slapped myself for sounding so weak when I needed to be strong. As soon as the first sob came out, I couldn’t hold the rest back. I tried hard to hold my breath, but I couldn’t. I stayed there like that, bawling like a baby into his shirt.

Oh great I thought. He probably thinks you’re fucking gross now. Good going, idiot.

Just as I was about to pull away and attempt to compose myself, Troye made a small noise; the kind of noise a child might make when they lost their parents in the grocery store. Not quite a sob, not quite a whimper. I felt my eyes widen at the realization that he was crying. I dug my nails into his shoulder while he shook.

Troye...

I’m not sure how long we stayed like that, curled into each other in the middle of my living room. When we had both calmed down enough to breathe steadily again, Troye pulled away from me, his eyes still red and puffy. I bit my lip, and a strange look crossed his face. It wasn’t a bad one, but it wasn’t necessarily good, either. His eyes drifted slowly down to my lips and lingered there for a second too long. What the hell?

“Let’s drink.” He said flatly, a small smile on his luscious lips. I swallowed hard.

“I still want to talk.” I replied quietly, looking down at my feet. I felt his fingers touch the bottom of my chin as he lifted my face back up to his. He was oddly close to me, and his fingers felt warm against my skin. He had a look in his eyes I’d never seen, and I felt my throat close up.

We stared into each other’s eyes for a moment, and when he spoke, his breath hit my lips.

 “Get me a drink, and we’ll talk all you want.” 

A/N: Hey again, guys! I'm sorry that this chapter is so short. I have a lot going on right now, but I'll try to update again soon, and I promise the next chapter will be longer!

Love you <3