Denial

Chapter One

Denial

Cam's POV

Another day, another black eye. Another time being pushed into the lockers, another time getting dunked into the toilet, another time hearing the shrill voices of my classmates screaming at me: "FAG!" "GO KILL YOURSELF!"

This is my life, what a joke.

It all started in AP History, first period. I was a mess. My hair was dissheveled, I had blood shot eyes from being up all night trying in vain to hold back my sobs, my lips were white and it felt like my entire body was on fire; I was burning alive and desperate for someone to help extinguish the flame, but all it did was char me.

I can't even believe my own father would send me to school after the previous night, I can't believe I even went to school, for Christ's sake, I should have just skipped. Walking into class, I was in a haze. I couldn't stop thinking about how this could have happened, how any of it could have happened. In my head, I went over and over all of the bad things I've done and wondered if this situation could be, like, God punishing me for something.

I don't deserve this, I don't deserve this. "I don't deserve this," I found myself saying out loud before bumping into the large, bulky shoulder of Cooper Smith. "Say something, faggot?" he spat at me. "Oh, I, no, I," I couldn't speak, I couldn't make out anything more than a stammer. Damn it, Cam, talk like a normal human being!

I wished and hoped and prayed that somehow my best friend Kinley would show up and say some sort of sarcastic, dumbfounding thing to shut this guy up, but she had class on the other end of the school, and sadly, telepathy isn't an option for either of us. "Someone got a stuttering problem?" Cooper interrupted as I continued fishing in my mind for the normal words to say.

By now, a small crowd had gathered and as usual, the girls were giggling with that guilty I-feel-bad-but-it's-funny-anyways type smirk, and the guys were whispering insults about me in each other's ears. "No, sorry, just had a long night," I said with a nervous chuckle. "I don't care what the hell you were doing last night, don't waste my time with your sob story, just get out of my way," he said as he shoved me into the wall of the school hallway.

Girls continued to giggle and guys continued to smirk as I walked through the small crowd to enter the English class and I told myself, "After what you've been through, a bunch of meathead high school idiots bullying you is bullshit."

I walked into the classroom and chose a desk near the back of the room, just in case anything were to happen. Once I settled in and got out my binders full of homework I've never completed, I put my head in my hands and sunk down into the desk, but I wish I could have sunk into an abyss. My thoughts are everywhere and they keep closing in on me and I feel like I can't escape anymore, and I'm stuck here in this dumb english class with people I don't even like as my life is collapsing around me and the only thing I think to do is cry.

The worst decision I made in my life was sniffling. Cooper Smith heard that dumb sniffle, something as insignificant as a sniffle. He looked back with a stupid grin and proclaimed loudly to the class, "Oh look, the faggot is CRYING! Poor baby, can't stay up past ten pm without coming to school looking like shit and acting like his life is just so hard! How about we ask this fag to get over himself so we can continue class normally, eh?" he said, making it some sort of public announcement as he spoke.

The class erupted into laughter and a few girls looked at me and one said, "Have a rough night with Kinley in bed, huh?" The other three girls cackled in the background, and I put my head back down, and the abyss I sunk to? Ha, that was now a black hole.

I don't know or care what else they said, but I will never forget Cooper's words. Acting like I have a hard life? I come to school looking like shit after the worst night of my existence, and then someone notices how messed up everything is? If he could walk a day in my shoes, he would be done by 5:30. He doesn't know what I've been through, he doesn't know me, he doesn't know anything.

Before long, the bell rings and for the first time in hour I lift my head, which is damp from tears and I can feel my eyes are swollen. I gathered my things and walked into the crowded hallway, where a crowd of boys led by Cooper were staring at me with devillish grins, and Cooper chants "Hey, look, it's Crybaby Fag!" The boys in his crowd all start laughing obnoxiously loud, except for one.

Nash Grier.