Denial

Chapter 10

~author's note~

Hi everyone! Us here at nameronlmao can't belive the love we're getting from everyone- so sorry we havent updated in awhile...school, finals, etc, has gotten in the way. Here's chapter 10, love you guys! <333

CAM'S POV

People always complain that waking up is the hardest and the worst part of the day. However, I highly doubt that any of those people went to an arts festival with Nash Grier last night. And if they did, well, it would give us something to talk about. 

We could talk for hours about his eyes when he saw a painting he loved. We could interject about how exciting it was to eat weird foods with him. Maybe we could even discuss stories on riding in the car with him when it was dark and it felt like we were the only ones in the world and he played music that made the air feel amazing and made the two of us feel invincible. 

After mulling over the previous night in my head right after waking up, I started to actually wake up. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and leaned over to pick my phone up off the charger. I was so tired when we got home that I forgot to even text him any inside joke references or anything about how much fun I had. When I checked my phone, I had three texts. From Nash. It went like this:

Nash: Hey. Had a really baller time with you last night. Already working on the next car ride playlist. 

Nash: For tomorrow, I guess.

Nash: See you tomorrow!

Ok, not the most excitings string of texts, but, it was something. And that is maybe the most texts I've gotten in like, a year. My mood went from 0-100 and I sprung out of bed and threw on a flannel with some skinny jeans and Vans, ruffled my hair a tad, and threw another nights worth of incomplete homework into my bag. I realized I had gotten up and out of bed so fast that I had almost 20 minutes of time to kill. 

As I was about to break into a fucking dance routine from being so happy, something stopped me. That something was the realization that for the first time since that day in November, since Cooper Smith, since dad forgetting me, since everything, I was happy. The sky looked bluer than usual, the grass greener, the house less ominous. I was sleeping at night and I didn't dread waking up. I was singing in the shower and sketching happy parents holding hands in my journal instead of writing poems that try to turn what happened in November into some metaphor on a paper so it doesn't have to hurt anymore. 

I don't think straight guys get this happy because of hanging out with Nash Grier. And if they do, they aren't straight. 

I guess the first moment I knew I was gay, or at least, not entirely straight, was at a Halloween party last year. I knew that Kinley had a thing for me, she always had, and she had texted me asking if we could go as Sam and Suzy from Moonrise Kingdom. I agreed, and we decided to go to the thrift store to get our stuff. When we went, she held my hand in the store and kissed my cheek when we were walking out and instead of getting a sudden urge to like, I don't know, squeeze her boobs or something, I just wanted to run away or sink deep into the ground or something. I thought that maybe I just wasn't into her and moved on with it. 

The party was weird. One of Kinley's random goth friends was hosting the party, so the crowd was a bit weird. A lot of people were dressed up like Dr. Who characters and me and Kinley spent a good deal of time making fun of them. We sat together all night and people told us how cute we were and she held my hand and led me everywhere and I got her punch and it was all very cliche until we were playing seven minutes in heaven and we were both called into the closet. 

It was dark and she looked at me and asked, "Are you sure you want to do this? You don't have to do this. I don't even know if I want to do this," she said, nervously stammering. "I want to do this," I croaked. I knew something wasn't right but I had to just see what was going on inside my head. "Ok," she said, her voice elevating. "You lean in, I'm too awkward," she said with a giggle. "O..ok," I said, leaning. We kissed. She felt sparks. I felt extinguished. Tears flooded to my eyes for no reason and five seconds after we kissed I couldn't stop crying. 

"Oh my god..Oh God, I'm so sorry, you should have...Oh my god, you must really not like me," Kinley stammered, trying to wiggle her way out of the cramped closet. "It's not you," I pleaded, grabbing her wrist and pulling her closer. "Kinley," I whispered. "I think I'm gay."

There's no need for me to go on with this story, you guys already know how it ends, we stayed friends, she made out with more goth guys in jean jackets, we're all good now. I looked at my phone and realized my twenty minutes was up and I had a text from Nash telling me he was here, so I galloped down the stairs. My dad was at the table reading the paper and he lifted his coffee mug to acknowledge that I was leaving and say goodbye. "See you after school!" I said, and dashed out the door. 

Nash's car had music blaring out of it so loudly that it was vibrating. "OH MY GOD!" I said, clammoring into the front seat. "YOU ARE GOING TO CAUSE THE FIRST EVER EARTHQUAKE THAT THIS CITY HAS EVER HAD!!!" I screamed, reaching in vain for the volume knob, because he kept slapping my hand away. "I'M BUSY, LISTENING TO THIS SONG, PLEASE, SHUT UP NOW!" said Nash, laughing so hard he threw his head back. I nodded with contempt and we rode the rest of the way to school singing along to Cape Kod Kwassa Kwassa. 

Nash pulled up to school and did his horrific parking job, per the usual. "You could honestly get a handicap pass with this parking job. You could probably convince a medical professional that you are retarded." I said, pointing emphatically to the line that his tire was inches over as I got out of the car. "Whatever. At least I don't wear elbow pads when I bike, nerd!" said Nash. "Nash, what the hell are you talking about?" I said, laughing. "You just seem like the type that would. And I needed an insult," he said, trying several times to stop laughing mid-sentence. "Ugh. It's almost 8...we should get to class," I said, indicating towards the front doors of the school. "Yeah..." said Nash, a hint of reluctance in his voice. 

Suddenly, a thought struck me. It was a longshot, but I said it nonetheless: "Dude, why don't we just...skip." I said. Again, WAS I ON ACID? I've known this guy for four days, and I'm asking him to risk getting in really big trouble just to hang out with me. He had friends that were probably going to worry about him. He had a girlfriend that was probably going to frantically call and text him. But something in me just said, fuck it. I'm happy. He's happy. I know he doesn't like any of his friends. I know his girlfriend is a total bitch. I know he's fucking happy. 

Nash jumped up in excitement. "HELL YEAH! Let's skip!!!! Oh my god, this is going to be awesome! What should we do? What sounds fun?" he said, prodding me with questions. 

"How about an arcade?"