Denial

Chapter 2

Nash's POV

My girlfriend kissed me on the cheek and I felt nothing. People say when you're in love you're supposed to feel a spark or something, like a surge of electricity through your body when the person you're in love with's even around. But I didn't feel that at all.

I didn't even get excited when she was around I got anxious because I didn't know what to say. Not because I had butterflies in my stomach or because I was so focused on her I couldn't talk right. I got anxious because I felt guilty, I didn't love her at all, at least not like I should.

She was pretty and she was nice and sweet and sometimes she made me laugh but I never even thought about her that way. To me we were good friends but I didn't trust her or anything. I felt guilty because I knew she loved me, and I found myself saying I love you back but I know I never meant it.

When she was with me, I felt nothing.

I walked her to class and we talked about nothing. And we went on dates and talked about nothing. And I called her and texted her like I should but we always talked about nothing at all.

When she would kiss me I'd find myself thinking about what time I should get home, or what homework was due tomorrow, or anything to get my mind off my guilt for not ever wanting to kiss her back.

I guess I never wanted to break up with her because she kept up my image; we were like a power couple throughout the school and I didn't want people being unhappy with me if things ended badly. I just wanted to keep up a good front to hide behind all the confusion in my head.

What started all this confusion was that day in the hall.

Cooper was picking on yet another helpless dude who didn't quite know how to fit in, but this time it was different. They would usually just brush it off and walk away but this time something was obviously wrong.

This guy had bloodshot eyes and looked like he hadn't slept in days. He was obviously trying to hide the fact he was just crying, but he really wasn't hiding much.

After Cooper finished hurling his insults I felt a stab of remorse. Why hadn't I done anything? Why did I just let this happen? He obviously had been through a lot lately and didn't need this. Maybe as an apology or maybe to figure out why I felt so different all of a sudden I decided to find him when school was over.

I scoured the sea of people rushing from their last period down the hall and out the doors and found him sitting on the steps that lead to the second floor with that same pained expression across his face. After the hall emptied, I walked towards him, unsure of what to say, so I just sat down next to him and waited for him to notice I was there.

He looked up and recognized me and hurriedly grabbed his backpack and started to get up when I said, "Wait! I'm not trying to hurt you. Cooper doesn't even know I'm here, and I won't tell him I was." He looked at me and slowly sat back down but I could tell he was apprehensive.

I just started talking. "Hey, I know we don't know eachother at all but I felt so horrible that I didn't do anything to stop what happened today in the hall. I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry." He looked up at me and nodded before he got up started walking down the hall. Right as he walked out the door he looked back and gave me a weak smile.

I couldn't stop thinking about it for the rest of the day. I didn't even get his name.