I Choose to Hear No Rain

It's Not Me, It's You

You were the shadow at my birthday parties,

The voice I could barely put to a face,

The parent watching my games from the comfort of your car,

The initial introduction to what someone who hates themselves is like,

The constant negative factor.

You punched holes not only into walls when you were upset,

But,

Left them inside my heart in the process.

Girls are supposed to trust their fathers,

When were you going to allow that to happen,

Dad?

You made promises that

Never met the light.

You never cared how my day was.

You broke the bond between the "love of your life" all because,

You jumped onto another woman's train

To catch a ride.

You degrade people,

And

Suck them into your pit of misery.

You made me feel as if I was nothing.

You called my "lazy" and "stupid".

You crushed all the wonderful parts of me,

And you have no recollection of any of it...

All of these brutal words and routines are your everyday,

It's like space,

Never ending.

I've been telling you for years what your words do to me and others,

But,

You cannot take claim for your actions so you turned it around on,

Me.

I felt as if I wasn't ever doing anything right,

I did everything to try and please you, 

But,

You just sent me to my room and,

In my room I would stay for fifteen years,

Avoiding your grim complexion.

Not anymore,

I honestly feel sorry for you,

By being yourself you have ruined so many

Opportunities

And relationships.

So when my brothers and I graduate,

Who will you have?

No one.

Because you couldn't say,

I'm sorry.

Well,

I'm sorry father,

I am not worthless,

I am not stupid,

I can amount to great things.

It's never been me,

It's you.