Dear Virginity

- one -

As a little girl, I always imagined what my older self would be like so far as other's impending on your use of freedom as an adult through youth. Of course I took my time with things, minding the moment's stances to really live out my personal accomplishments that could relocate myself as a being. And as a being you have friends.

This Saturday, Angie was feverish about possibly planning a house party, or maybe not even that, but for the whole neighborhood. What are we? 18? In fact, 19, college prep undergraduate hoping to live her own stardom. I may be like a mom in this situation, but it's never too wrong to have your own standards or morals to respect yourself. I'm so mindful of myself because I have a mother and a father that raised me, it's not wrong to have fun or try something for a change, but maybe be knowledgeable of all consequences that could involve yourself.

I come out in jeans and a tank top with my sandals flopping over my porch as I run outside with my jacket and purse.

"There she is." I hop in Alicia's drop top as Chloe's making some snarky comment.
"What? Would you like me to take twenty more minutes to put some make up on?" I turn my head at her.
"We all know you'd be going through math problems if we were to let you have it," I roll my eyes. "Now put your seat belt on, Alicia just passed her driver's ED."

It was much of a bumpy road in the city of Carolina, but I stayed attentive to the oak trees greening on the roadsides, suburban to the beeping cars and busy streets that were just enough to keep me preoccupied. We were going to the mall, Amandla and Angie decided we should all wear matching clothes at the party, but I know they were just trying to bait men so I couldn't "embarrass" myself.

It sounded like bull crap to me, but what would I be doing with out them if goody-two-shoes were to put her paws up in a bull's face. I guess something could be holding me back, but I was tracking myself as if I were a parent of my inner child.

We reach the shopping mall, smacking the car doors away from our purses to shove in the register's face. Not literally, but verbally speaking to spending money.

"Ok, so I was thinking maybe 'Clueless' or ya know more 'Mean Girls' chic." Amandla was hopping out of her wedges to have her hoop earrings clatter soundly.
"We'll see what they have in store." Alicia said, pushing her more to the doors.

If it were any narrative, we would be in mini skirts with midriffs and high heels. It was plausible in any skimpy manner, for me to have to stop five seconds to pull my skirt down, or dig my panties out of my butt.

We go into the center of the mall, finding ourselves surrounded by its complex crowding with people town of the storefronts. Angie gestures us to a clothes store where Amandla was already heading, of course only me unsure of the situation, delaying behind the girls.

I see Amandla rummaging through the clothes rackets near the skirts and shorts while the others were adjusting in purses and underwear. The cool air conditioning makes me shudder, my arm hairs sticking at its ends while I was so meditative of Angie's house party.

Who was she even inviting? Will it be her past one night stands? Or is she literally having the whole neighborhood for the win? It troubles me, but it's not like I've never been to a party before, at least ones I'm actually invited to.

"Felicity," I hear Amandla's ecstatic voice. "I can tell you're thinking something. Put it into this outfit."

I see that she's picked out this beige mini skirt, looking to be half my waistline and a white Rachel ribbed tank shirt. I was hesitant as she stuck up both of the items enthusiastically with Angie clicking two Lolita pumps together, anxious for my reaction.

They all push me into the dressing room with the clothes in my hands, me cramped into only looking at a floor mirror and a little bench by other clothes that were withdrawn. I see a Dayle off shoulder top and some cute
shorts embedded with pink roses tracing by vines on the opposing sides of them. I adore them, much less for these scanty clothes I let Amandla closet for me. I didn't have to go to the party. I could possibly go on a walk with Mali, taking in the summer breeze and by chance stop for a coffee.

I didn't want to be a sycophant of others, or be two counterparts of myself, because I wouldn't let some girls take the last of my teenage years. I try on the white blouse, the sleeves flowing at my wrists while they were ladder trimmed into expressing my shoulder blades and my collar bone. I try on the shorts and warmly smile at the fit around my hips as they taper around my upper thighs.

"How does it look Felicity?" I hear Chloe ask.
"It looks lovely." I revolve around myself in the mirror.
"Let's see."