Because I could not stop for death, it kindly stops for me (done)

The lights are off, the TV acting as a dim hum in the background, my music blasting in my ear trying to force thoughts out. I’m cuddling up with my teddy bear hoping everything will be okay; I’m starving but forcing myself not to eat. Maybe it’ll make all this pain go away, I can’t take it anymore. Tears are starting to form, I’m trying to force them back in. Crying is a weakness; I don’t wanna show any weakness at this point. I need to be strong. But I don’t know how to strong stay anymore it seems like.  The tears are starting to fall now. No I don’t want them to fall maybe; just maybe this can take it all away…. Quickly but neat and swiftly I glide the knife over my wrist. I watch as the blood fall as the tears stop. As more blood falls I start to feel stronger and the pain slowly fades away. As the pain fades away I start to fade too. Blood still flowing it’s been a few minutes now, it doesn’t normally go on this long. What have I done? As I think bout what’s happening I start to fade away even more then it all goes black. I don’t know where I am.

The darkness starts to fade away and light starts to take over. Slowly I get my version back, it’s blurry at first but after a minute it’s as clear as ever. The first thing I see is the white walls of my room with all the little things I’ve put on my walls over the years. I finally see how silly having all that stuff on my walls look. When I see my bed unmade and looking messy, I think to that my mom was right it does give a mess effect to the whole room. I’ve always thought my room was just the right size just for me but now I see how small it really is. I now understand way everyone tells me I have an extremely small room. 

 I feel kind of weird, like I’m not myself, like I’m someone else looking in from the outside. That’s when I see it, no not an it but me. Yes that’s when I see myself. That was when I realized I wasn’t myself. I was my spirit showing me the damage that has been because of my actions. I was still passed out on the floor, the blood wasn’t flowing from the slits on my wrist anymore, but I was white and when I say white I mean white like dead white. Was this the end of me? Was I really dead? I think I just ended my life because of a stupid choice I made over a stupid reason. That reason is what you ask? It’s him. He’s the reason for my pain, for my depression, for my trust issues, for everything that is wrong with me, and now he might even be the reason for my death. Maybe he’ll finally leave me alone and maybe this was what he wanted the whole time. I’m just hoping that this stupid decision I made in that spur of the moment really isn’t the end of my life.

I stay there and watch my body and wait for someone to hopefully come and see what I’ve done. A few minutes go by and that’s when I decide to look at the clock. Its quarter after five, I wonder why my parents haven’t came up to come get me for dinner yet. I hope no I pray they come up soon. My body needs to be found before it’s too late. I try yelling to my parents but I soon find out that it’s useless and no one can hear me. I can see and hear what’s going on but no one can see or hear me, well that I know of so far.

I hear footsteps outside my door finally my mom and dad have come up to get me for dinner. I really hope when I don’t answer them that they will decide to open the door and not just walk away. I always give them an answer.

“Hey honey dinners ready,” my mother’s says like she does every night in the sweetest tone ever. I’m really going to miss that tone and hers if I am really gone. Man I really hope this isn’t my end.  I can hear their feel shuffling around waiting for my normal alright I’ll be down soon. That’s when I hear my dad if maybe they should walk in and check on me. My mom tells him I might just be asleep and maybe they should just leave my dinner in the oven.

“NO, I don’t just leave my dinner in the oven. I need you to open that door!” I yell at them through my door even though I know they can’t hear me. Then I notice the turn of the handle of my door. Yes maybe even though they couldn’t hear me I could have given off an alarming atmosphere to the place. It was my mother that opened the door, as soon as she saw me her jaw dropped and her knees gave out and she fell to the floor sobbing. My father rushed to my body and sees the knife and starts to cry as well but he’s the stronger one of the two. He knows what to do he saw this same scene when his brother killed himself and he found him.