"heyooo" Walters comes out waving his hands "if it isn't turd, hooch and hooters in the flesh" he then looks at Jenko "holy shit you are looking fit uMmm and Sweet cheeks I should start calling hot cheeks now,if I still had my dick it be 12 o clock" he then turns back and looks at Eric, "you should get some tips from this guy, he's looking good, look at those pectoral muscles, that's the kinda definition I want outta you man" you look over at Eric "Hey Eric" you smiled at him he smiles back "hey" he muttered.
Schmidt starts talking "Look Mr Walters we should umm or I should apologise for ummm" Walter nods and comments "for shooting my penis off?''
"yea" Walter smiles and states "don't sweat it brother I'm liberated, totally! you know they gave me a vagina? its awesome, you guys wanna see it" he stands up to open his pants but you and the boys quickly decline "no no no no" he sits back down and points at Eric
"Eric's seen it. Eric's been all over that shit, aint that right Eric?" He yells. Eric clenched tightly on the bars with a traumatized look "you guys gotta get me the fuck outta here" he begs.
You felt pity for your ex boyfriend you were gonna say something but Walters beats you to it "hey guess what? I'm Eric's bitch"
Eric looks down, frustrated "No you're not!"
Walters gets angry "YES! I am! I'm your bitch" he then raises his head and sighs "I'm so sorry honey, I didn't mean that you know that right?" he then looks towards the three of you, "I'm such a bitch when the flow hits"
You nodded, "Tell me about it" you chuckled.
"it bleeds soo much its crazy! like the doors opening in the shining"
"your vagina doesn't fucking work man" Eric says frustrated
"worked for you last night" Walter replies snickering and making a tongue gesture.
"Now that's just nasty", you thought.
Schmidt looked traumatized by what he had just witnessed "you're so clearly, forcing Eric into this relationship" Walter asks Eric if he was forcing him and he replied with a yes but Walter laughs it off as if he had said no "see" he chuckled.
Schmidt diverts this awkward conversation back to the serious bits "Look, we're undercover in collage to find the dealer of this new synthetic and no one will tell us anything" he explains.
"It cuz you guys look like ducking narks" he says as a matter of fact. "But I'm sure hottie here can sleep into some information.."
You groaned "I'm too old for this shit!"
"Heh! Collage kids aren't dumb like Eric" he points at the guy.
"I was supposed to got to Berkeley.." he whispers.
Jenko takes out the file with the picture. "They gave us a picture so we have that".
"Well, that's your lead motherfucker! that's what you start with!" Walters yells.
"I know but we can't see his face. We don't know who it is..." Smidth points out.
"We don't know who it is" Walters mocks him.
You laughed out loud. "HA! Schmidt!"
"My pants are full of doodie" he continues.
"That doesn't sound anything like me" Smidth tried to defend himself looking at Jenko for security.
"you sorta sound like that" Jenko tells him.
"That doesn't sound anything like me!?"
"That doesn't sound anything like me" he mocks again.
"He's good" you mutter.
"But that doesnt-"
"ERIC! close your eyes and tell me who's talking right now. Elelelel"
Eric flares his nose, "It's Smidth being a little bitch"
"That's just not a good impression" Smidth tried to comfort himself as Walters examines the picture closely.
"whoa!" he yells. "Nice job super slooze. Did you even bother to look at the fucking picture? Huh? There's a reflection right here" he points at the car window.
"your fucking guy's got a tattoo. Fine the tattoo. Find the dealer" he says with a smug face.
"This is why we don't keep important files with Jenko.." you whispered to yourself.
"I heard that"
---
{At the tattoo parlor}
The man takes a close look at the picture of the dealer's tattoo and examines it "fuck man, I don't know, I do a lot of stupid tattoos to drunk kids"
Jenko asks the man "do you remember that stupid tattoo?"
"A bazooka?" The man thinks hard, "I think, I might have did it on a.... Football player, guy with a red mohawk? I don't kno. All these guys start to look the same" you and Jenko look at each other, "you thinking who I'm thinking?" You asked. He smiles and replies "I think I know exactly who he's talking about".
"But I don't" Schmidt butts in.
You thank the guy for his help and move towards the exit. You put your arm on Schmidt's shoulder as you head out"let's go dumb and dumber"
--- The next day {At collage}
"I'm so fucked up" Cass groans with her face resting on the table. "I told you to relax, not to get drunk" you Pat her shoulders to comfort her
"Not drunk. I was hammered on drugs" she admits. You face her, "I know it can be stressing but be careful. You could get addicted to those things"
"Nah, I'm not really into it. I just couldn't concentrate so I ate a litte but. Damn, I really can't handle my own" she groans again.
You pay her head and slyly slipped in a question, "How about next time, we do it together?". She looks at you weirdly, "You hypocrite" she scolds you and lays down again.
"I was thinking, I'll go to Cheer tryouts today" you said. She rises from the dead, "FINALLY!! I actually made friends with one of the cheer leaders, she can totally get you to perform ahead of everyone else"
The class ends forcing the both of you to get out of class, "let's go" she yells and drags you towards the football field "just as planned" you thought.
But she side tracked and went into the changing room instead. "Where are we going?" You asked. She looks at you weirdly, "you're not going to perform in casuals you goof" she says and shoves some clothes into your hands.
You changed into the track/gym uniform and headed out. "oooo. You make a cute sportsmen" she comments. "What is this outfit?" you asked her, slightly uncomfortable. "Don't worry, it's super cute, it's just tighter cuz you slightly bigger than me. You need to make an impression if you wanna get selected. C'mon" she drags you out the changing room into the field.
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