Toddlers, Husbands, and Why I had to be Mature by 18

Chapter Twelve: Light

With the summer came relief. I went in to the hospital to have tests done, and Doctor Robertson said there was good news.

"We have found the source of the problem, and an operation can be done to have you feeling better. I must warn you, however, that..." Doctor Robertson grimaced. 

"Yes?" I asked weakly.

"If you have the operation... you cannot have another child, Mrs. Louis."

A silent tear rolled down my cheek, but I nodded. I had been ready for this, but it was still an emotional hit. 

"And what happens if I don't get the operation?"

Doctor Robertson looked down. "I don't believe you would make it, Mrs. Louis."

Silence fell in the room. "I will give you two a moment," the Doctor said.

I started crying, and Jasper held me. "No use denying anything, I suppose," I said. "Sebastian was our last child."

Jasper nodded. "Two boys, two girls. That's quite a feat, Mrs. Louis."

I tried to laugh, but I just ended up sobbing into his shirt. 

"Some bad meds," Jasper breathed.

"What?"

"That's all it took to break us."

"If only I hadn't waited so long to get the medication... it might have been fine. Sebastian would have just been born. We could have had another baby... we wouldn't be so poor."

"I can't lose you. Not now."

"I know. There isn't really a question, is there? I get the operation, or..."

"You die."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Mrs. Louis."

We kissed quietly and Doctor Robertson came in. "The sooner the better, Mrs. Louis. Are you ready for the operation?"

I nodded silently. 

"Have you eaten in the past 24 hours?"

I shook my head. "Too nauseous."

"We can do the operation now, then. Please follow me."

***

Annabelle's POV

My hand shook as I signed the register. Mike signed it after me. 

"You may kiss the Bride."

I was a married woman. After all the uncertainty, I was married. His lips crushed mine and I felt alive. I thought of Hannah, but I couldn't go back now. 

I then thought of Neil, and I realized that not only did I not know how old he was, I couldn't picture him at all. He was gone.

Tears poured down my face, and Mike smiled at me, thinking they were tears of joy. I ran down the aisle as a horrified gasp filled the room. 

I sat outside on a park bench, trying to breathe.

I felt Mike's arm around me. He didn't speak.

"Mike, I have a son. Remember when I went to Canada to visit my old friends? I was actually going to see my son, but I chickened out. I don't remember him, and he won't remember me. He's gone, Mike."

My new husband hugged me, and I was shocked. I was expecting anger, hatred... anything but this.

"Where is he now?"

"He's with his father... and his step mother. He doesn't need me."

"I need you, now," he said.

I kissed him, and he kissed me, and I felt Ottawa fade completely from me. It was not my home.