bloomsbury's pride // bts ot7 // editing

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get some tissues ready bc i just ripped my own heart of my chest writing this. - author

❛you enchant me even when you're not around❜ - sam smith

these few weeks are hard on namjoon. first, it's the constant teasing during class for being associated with his boys, but he puts up with it. the endless notes that come flooding every period with their baseless accusations are nothing in the light of his happiness. 'small dick' and 'ass licker' just sound plain dumb, so namjoon just doesn't give a damn about the names. he feels the pressure, really, with the toll of the therapy sessions with the school psychologist miss ritzer.

after school every monday and tuesday for two hours, namjoon is sitting in the room, answering questions by pouring his heart out to a practical stranger. it's difficult to keep answering with so much emotion all the time. he comes back to their room in tears most of the time, already pulling out his homework to quickly work through it. hoseok is often somewhere else during their designated homework time, leaving namjoon high and dry for emotional support. and who else could he turn to during these times?

third is the hospital trips. he tries to go alone so no one except the onlooking staff catches him when he leaves without even getting so much as a glance of taehyung's figure. when one of the others do manage to pull him along, taehyung has a sad smile on his face, as if he already knows of his sinful crimes. guilt continues to swelter under his skin as the days pass by.

christmas is supposed to be happy, but namjoon's always reminded of the years where the most he could do was take aejoon out to get the sermon when his mother failed to show up in favor of her new line of clothing. santa's magic left their house before they even understood that there was supposed to be a hint of a miracle floating in the air. this year is no different for the mere fact that it'll be a lonely year again. everyone is leaving to visit family outside of the academy and namjoon does his best to be happy for them when in reality all he wants is to be near to aejoon.

so the twenty fourth is spent watching a nightmare before christmas and writing poem after poem, droning on and on about loneliness. 

you must be the liquid in my veins and the words between my lips when i breathe because i just can't seem to let you go.

december december december

i just can't seem to let you go.

december is scrawled onto the page a few more times before he gets the brilliant idea to visit taehyung at the hospital, knowing full well he's gonna be locked out of the academy until tomorrow morning. namjoon packs an overnight bag consisting of his laptop, a notebook, pen and the present he bought for the younger boy just a few days ago. he easily slips out into the night, beginning his long trek into the city. when namjoon is far away enough from the academy, he gets an uber to drive the rest of the way. 

"oh hyung, what are you doing here?" taehyung is holding the remote in his hand, laying on his stomach to watch television. he looks a lot better than he did the first night, skin going back to a more natural tan. "i wanted to see you so you're not..." he awkwardly shuffles into the room, realizing he's still in his pajamas and anxiety boils in his stomach. he looks so dumb- why did he even bother coming in the first place?

"merry christmas, hyung. thanks for coming." taehyung reaches out to hold namjoon's hand so he grabs hold, kissing his cheek as a proper greeting before pulling a chair over to be closer to the younger boy. "merry christmas, taehyungie. what do you want to do tonight? i brought my laptop." the two squabble over everything they see on netflix, raised eyebrows and lingering touches shared between them ending up with picking by eenie meenie minie moe. doctor strange wins and namjoon pouts, clicking play and letting the darkness of the hospital room take over.