Falling Apart

If only

Sapphire pov

Jonna hates me and always will, I can't blame him for hating me really. I am the one to blame for the crash I only cared for myself. I still remember the last few words that Ren said to me before I turned into Britney. I just need to leave this house as soon as possible Destiny and Harry made the wrong choice of adopting me when they knew I am not even wanted in this house. Sure Ronnie likes me and I love him I just can't stay here I barley deserve to live and dying wouldn't hurt a fly. 

I started pacing around in my room thinking of different ways to die, maybe I could die in this house like where Ren did in her bed. no Jonna stays in there he wouldn't let me in. Ummmm how about in my fave place on earth the beach nope. So many people around I could always hang myself and leave a note for both Jonna and Ronnie, yes that could work so well. 

I walked downstairs since its only 9.00pm, Ronnie was watching TV so I walked into the kitchen coz I can never sleep early no matter what.

I pulled out a glass from the cupboard and turned the tap on filling the glass. I was thinking about the beach and how me and my family would go ever year before the crash. "Sapphire" I heard a voice that I was avoiding,"your over flowing the tap" Jonna said turning it off. I put the glass to the side and ran up to my room. I sat down on the bed and wrote in my diary.

Dear diary,

I haven't written in this since the crash. Its still in great condition that's why I love this diary.

This is how I'm feeling now ;

I'm unforgivable

I'm lovable

I'm horrible

I'm ugly

I'm not perfect

I'm lazy

I'm energetic

I'm broken

       Hurt

           In pain

    In love

  Full of hate

Am I not bipolar? yes I am.

If only Jonna knew that ;

I'm sorry for the things you thought I've done. I'm sorry for things I'v said. I'm sorry for being who I am. I am sorry for not being what you wanted me to be. I'm sorry that I'm not perfect. I'm sorry I'm not going to change who or what I am for you. This is who I am and hopefully always will be. If you can't forgive who I am, accept what I am, Love who I am and see who I am. Then I shall remain unforgivable, unacceptable, unlovable and Invisible to you so I can be what I am forever and always xox.

I hope your happy I will be gone forever and see my family again.

I ripped out this page, I will give it to him tomorrow on his birthday and I shall die tomorrow. I got up on the roof leaving the paper on the floor.