Hurdles

CHAPTER 7

Surah Ibrahim, Verse 12:
وَمَا لَنَا أَلَّا نَتَوَكَّلَ عَلَى اللَّهِ وَقَدْ هَدَانَا سُبُلَنَا وَلَنَصْبِرَنَّ عَلَىٰ مَا آذَيْتُمُونَا وَعَلَى اللَّهِ فَلْيَتَوَكَّلِ الْمُتَوَكِّلُونَ

And what reason have we that we should not rely on Allah? And He has indeed guided us in our ways; and certainly we would bear with patience your persecution of us; and on Allah should the reliant rely.

Zaitun

The screeching of carrier beds accompanied with frantic voices filling the almost serene atmosphere of the hallway i've paced tirelessly about for umpteenth times was what got my jumbled mind and attention directed towards the east side of the hall and I'd say till date that was the worst decision ever.

For lying limp, frail and drained out of life were my beloved with trails of blood marring their radiant faces whose glow was never lost accompanied by nurses and doctors with dangling stethoscope.

I watched like a confused spectator at the unfold of strange event and when my effectors seemed activated I ran with all ounce of strength in me for the dreaded emergency unit they were wheeled into only to be restricted by what or who I couldn't make out.

And I watched as the door was closed out on me blocking out all happenings from me which I deserve to know.

"Please, plea-ase let me in"

"Please"

I  pleaded with both hands turning helplessly towards the nurses and doctors making dashes into and out of the unit and also towards aunty Hadiza who was making effort to calm me and also keep her emotions in check but who were we kidding.

All I got was no compliance to my pleas and pitiful looks which broke me more taking me down to my kneels sobbing uncontrollably with fresh tears succeeding the former.

Noticing the coast was clear and no attention was on me I barged as fast as a lightening into the emergency room and much to my grief and horror same was when a white sheet was placed gently over my Zara's body and finally over her head shielding her out of my view and I watched bewildered wondering what they meant.

I was mute all that while not until they said the words that shattered my core breaking me apart.

"We lost her"

"Noooooo", never"

I made a shrill at the top of my voice gaining their attention.

"Take her out"

"No you can't , allow me"

"I won't leave her, she's not dead.

"Wake her up, or let me do it"

"She will never leave me"

I said struggling to get to her but in the process I felt something sharp pierced on my hand while I was held making my vision blurry and mind in a haze and straight away I lost consciousness.

Trying so hard to tear open my eyes but failing as though a heavy log was placed on it and when I seem to make progress I closed it immediately due to the bright fluorescent that hit my eyes and with incessant effort I succeeded.

Taking in my surrounding I realised I was in a different hospital room with the typical hospital decor and next to me is aunty Hadiza who was oblivious of my consciousness not until I roughly climbed down the bed and dashed for the door but had to be held back.

"Zaitun please calm down, you just woke up"

"Goodness, they said It would keep her down for couple of hours but its just two hours gone now" she mumbled more to herself

Aunty Zainab pleaded softly loosening her hold on me still directing a pitiful gaze at me with her bloodshot eyes.

"Why"

I manage to croak with a hoarse voice looking directly at her.

"When my sister is being proclaimed de- de de-ad  or the fact that I don't know of my mother's wellbeing? I finished muffling my mouth with a shaky voice.

"Let's go"

She said after some thought and for like forever to me we arrived at another room and she nudged me to open it which I did hesitantly.

In the well furnished and equipped hospital room with a lemon green hue adorning the four walls was my mum lying frail but peaceful on the bed with IV piercing through her skin and heavy beeping machines.

I took baby step towards her stifling my cries when a voice behind me spoke.

"They said she's out of danger, we just await her to regain consciousness"

"What of ya Zara"

I asked with a firm resolve turning towards her.

"Your dad, brother and some relatives are in the waiting room when you are done"
She said instead evading my question.

I took another glance towards my mum and then I ran out very fast startling aunty Hadiza and stopping only when I entered the female masjid I knew of in the hospital and after performing ablution I prayed to the almighty pouring out my heart to him in sujood for he is As-sami(the all hearing), the omnipotent, the only one-- Al- wahid who can ease my affairs, dissolve my worries,answer my prayers, grant shifaa to my mother and grant jannatul firdaus to my sister's soul.

I couldn't say how long I've stayed in the masjid but all I know was that the sky has gone dark illuminated only by the moon and stars to which I took view of from the window and has gotten my attention for the past 5 minutes diverting my tasbih.

The vibration of my phone in my pocket brought me out of my reverie and my dad's number was on display breaking the news to me that my mum was awake and couldn't say how I got back to her room all I knew was I found myself there but all she did was stare ahead unwavering, tears trailing side wards from the corners of her eyes making me grip onto the door frame for support and accounting for some doctors checking up on her.

But then all hope sank down the drain when the monitors began beeping weirdly, the doctors carried confused faces using weird machines on her and the ultimate flattening out of her heart beat not before she had kept a strong gaze on me pulling out her hands which went down after uttering the heart touching words.

"My chil..childre..nn"

She had finally uttered with kalima before they said it again

"We lost her"

********************

"No, nooooooo, nooo"

I had cried and jolted finding myself on another hospital bed the pain of reality and acceptance hitting me square in the face for I've being in denial for almost 2years since their demise and realising its the truth pains a lot.

"Shhh, its just a dream"

"Alhamdulillah she's awake"

"You scared us girl, almost gave this old guy a heart attack"

"Masha Allah" a feminine voice said embracing me warmly sniffling cries slowly and then and there I made the decision.

"My answer is yes" I had croaked with a hoarse voice much for not having spoke for hours and all I got was confused faces staring right back at me.

"Alhaji for your request earlier" I added earning a wide smile from him and he engulfed me also in a bone crushing hug.

"May Allah grant all your heart desire my child, ameen"

I want to also live happily like others once more----- hopefully I made the right decision or so I guess.........

Its ur girl again😍