Oneshots and Imagines (COCO)

a lil doo dad diddly dang

send me/comment a number and i'll write a story with and based around the line!!! (yes i stole this leave me mcpost malone) just gimme a number and a character/ship/whatever.

NO SMUT ESPECIALLY SINCE MY MOM READS THIS
NO RIVERACEST YA NASTIES UNFOLLOW ME BLOCK ME AND GTFO IF YOU SHIP THAT

NO PEDOPHILIA ANYONE OVER 18 SHIPPED WITH PEOPLE UNDER 18 IS PEDOPHILIA AND A BIG NONO AGAIN BLOCK AND UNFOLLOW YA NASTIES

1. "That's starting to get annoying."
2. "Hey, hey, calm down. They can't hurt you anymore."
3. "You can't just sit there all day."
4. "I'm too sober for this."
5. "I'm not here to make friends."
6. "I need a place to stay."
7. "Well that's tragic."
8. "You're seriously like a man-child."
9. "You can't banish me! This is my bed too!"
10. "The ladies love a guy who's good with kids."
11. "Dear Diary.."
12. "She's hiding behind the sofa."
13. "I lost the baby."
14. "They're so cute when they're asleep.."
15. "I'd kill for a coffee; literally."
16. "You're getting crumbs all over my bed."
17. "Good thing I didn't ask for your opinion."
18. "What's the matter, sweetie?"
19. "You're Satan."
20. "I don't want to hear your excuses. You can't just give me wet-willies all the time.
21. "I'm bulletproof but please don't shoot me."
22. "Did you just hiss at me?"
23. "Do you really need all that candy?"
24. "It's six o'clock in the morning, you're not having vodka."
25. "I swear, I'm not crazy!"
26. "The diamond in your engagement ring is fake."
27. "No. Regrets."
28. "How drunk was I?"
29. "How is my wife more badass than me?"
30. "Be you. No one else can."
31. "I haven't slept in ages."
32. "I locked the keys in the car."
33. "Are you sure that's a decision you want to make?"
34. "You work for me. You are my slave."
35. "Take your medicine."
36. "They're monsters."
37. "Welcome to fatherhood."
38. "Why can't you appreciate my sense of humor?"
39. "It's your turn to make dinner."
40. "The kids, they ambushed me."
41. "Sorry isn't going to help when I kick your ass!"
42. "Stop being so cute."
43. "I feel like I can't breathe."
44. "You need to see a doctor."
45. "You're getting a vasectomy, and that's final."
46. "It was a joke, baby, I swear."
47. "Dogs don't wear clothes!"
48. "I didn't think you could get any less romantic."
49. "Safety first, what are you, five?"
50. "This is girl talk, so leave."
51. "Where am I going? Crazy. Wanna come?"
52. "There's a herd of 'em!"
53. "Do you think I'm scared of a woman?"
54. "They're not your kids, so back off."
55. "You're a nerd."
56. "I'm late."
57. "Just get home as soon as you can."
58. "You smell like a wet dog."
59. "I could punch you right now."
60. "Are you going to talk to me?"
61. "Welcome back! Now fucking help me."
62. "If you can't sleep.. we could read a bit."
63. "Flea markets don't carry fleas, you know that, right?"
64. "Here, take my blanket."
65. "I don't want you to stop."
66. "How could I ever forget you?"
67. "You're bleeding all over my carpet."
68. "Run for it!"
69. "We need to talk."
70. "Not everything is out to get you. Stop thinking that. It's annoying."
71. "I want a pet."
72. "Just smile. I really need to see you smile right now."
73. "I'm not wearing a dress."
74. "I'm not wearing a tie."
75. "Quit beating me up!"
76. "Please put your phone away."
77. "It's a Texas thing."
78. "Don't argue. Just do it."
79. "I hope I'm never stuck on a deserted island with you."
80. "Does he know about the baby?"
81. "Just hold still."
82. "I just ironed these pants."
83. "Enough with the sass!"
84. "Show me what's behind your back."
85. "I'm not going to be sympathetic until you go to a doctor."
86. "Fine, don't say anything and make me worry!"
87. "Stay awake."
88. "Stop interrupting me!"
89. "You're not interested, are you?"
90. "I'm never buying ikea furniture ever again."
91. "Tell me you need me."
92. "Oh honey, I'd never be jealous of you."
93. "I'm telling you. I'm haunted."
94. "I had a bad dream again."
95. "Have I mentioned I fucking hate Halloween?"
96. "It's Christmas, don't be mad at me."
97. "You're not going to starve yourself on Thanksgiving."
98. "The store ran out of Easter eggs."
99. "How could you forget your sons/daughters birthday?"
100. "You can only suffer through my whining for so long before you get up and make me a sandwich."