If Only

Chapter Ten

The world seemed to stop together with me. I was rooted to the ground, my breath held and heart pounding vigorously against my chest.

Richard. A picture of him with blood spewing onto the floor, and there would lie his lifeless body, the blood draining the life out of him. I shuddered at the thought of Richard dead. How could he die? He can’t die.

My mind was swallowed in utter confusion. What should I do? Should I run back up to check on Richard, or do I get help? These two questions seemed to be thrown at me repeatedly, one after another. My head ached; it felt as if the blood was rushing up into my head, forcing me to make a decision. I pressed on to the sides of my head, wishing that the pain would just go away. I slammed my eyes shut, and I squatted on the ground. The pain throbbed harder and harder. I could feel the impact of the force pushing against my temples, as if a bullet had been put through my head. Sharp streaks of pain shot through; I could hardly bear the excruciating pain, tears seemed to form at the corners of my eyes.

“Keep calm, Angela. Keep. Calm,” I muttered to myself repeatedly under my soft whimpers.

The throbbing slowly eased. My head hurt less now. I wondered how long I had been in this state. I released my hands from my head and took deep breaths to calm myself down and straighten out my thoughts. If Richard was shot, he’d need the medical help, as soon as possible.

I sprinted along the stretch of corridors, as fast as my legs would carry me. Within a couple of turns, I spotted the exit right in front of me. The light, it felt so welcoming. With all the energy I had left, I ran for the exit.

“Help!” I could hardly catch my breath, “Help! Someone call the police! I was kidnapped!”

I could see that I attracted a few stares from the passers-by along the walk path.

A lady whipped out her cell phone and called for the police.

“An ambulance too, someone might be hurt,” I added while the telephone line went through.

“They’re on their way,” she spoke loud enough for me to hear.

Those words fell upon my ears and I made my way hurriedly back into the place I came out from. I wandered through the corridors, desperately backtracking the way I came out. I turned a bend, only to find Richard bleeding profusely and he was leaning against a wall sloppily. From his earlier stomach wound and the gunshot that hit him at the scapula, blood was freely flowing out of his open wounds. Richard’s face had turned pale. He began to lose the vibrancy he once had. His skin was light beige, no longer a mildly tanned color. Benjamin, however, lay flat on the floor in a pool of fresh blood. I ignored Benjamin and approached Richard.

I dare not run to him. I was scared. I was scared he was dead. I was afraid Richard had left me. I was afraid how I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye.

I took silent steps toward him. I wished he’d just lift himself off the ground and pull me into a hug. That was merely a dream. Richard was bleeding; even from afar I could not see the life in him. His eyes were drained out and his skin was pale from blood loss. I hoped for the best, yet I feared for the worst.

I could hear Richard’s slow-paced and heavy breaths. I seemed to heave a sigh of relief in my heart. Richard, my dearest, he was still alive. Yet, I felt that I rather he was dead. I couldn’t bear to see him suffer like that. His every breath seemed struggled and forced. It looked so hard for him to breathe. Blood was flowing out of his wounds, staining his white but slightly yellow shirt a deep crimson red. Richard’s lips were slightly parted and his eyes had lost the original blue glow. They no longer shined as they used to. It broke my heart to see him like that.

Why? Why? Why did I have to meet him again? Why do I have to suffer this? I brought this upon Richard. I thought it was over between us. Maybe Richard and I never were real. We were young. It might have just been a crush, just not love. Ever since he left five years ago, Richard never came to find me. I figured he’d probably had forgotten about me, and I tried to do the same. Richard told me to forget about him, and I tried, but I couldn’t. I have treated Richard as a dream, a dream that never came true. That was when I met Benjamin, and I have called him my first love.

Maybe Richard and I would have been married by now, if he didn’t go away back then. I realized how much I still loved him. I realized how much he meant to me. I never forgot about him. I might have been with Benjamin, but Richard’s face would always linger in my mind. Seems like I really loved Richard – he was my first love, not Benjamin.

My left hand moved to lift his head gently, so Richard was in a proper position to breathe; my right hand moved to one of his hands and held it tight. Richard’s lifeless eyes moved to meet with mine. He wrapped his fingers around mine, our fingers interlocking. I could feel a tear falling from my right eye. Richard moved his free hand to wipe it away.

“Please don’t cry,” Richard spoke so softly I had to lean closer to hear him.

What he said just made me cry more. Tears were rolling down my cheeks. My gaze remained affixed on his dull blue eyes.

“Don’t go,” I whispered, trying hard to get the words out in between my soft and occasional sobs.

I tried my best not to cry. I clung to his hand even tighter and tried to give a weak smile which failed terribly. I didn’t want him to see me cry. He told me not to cry, so how could I go against him? – At this point in time even…

Richard’s eyelids had begun to drape across his eyes. His hold on my hand seemed to loosen.

“I lo…” 

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I think the part of Angela and the first love thing is complicated... Oops. It just talks about why Benjamin is her "first love" and not Richard. Well, she just didn't think Richard and her was love.

LOL ok so this is a long chapter, surprisingly... And so VOTE, COMMENT and FAN. I'm still on Action, at #695 now. But c'mon it looks pathetic compared to the #272!!! :/ mehh

This thing might just be ending soon, just saying. 

xoxoxo