A Collection of Short Stories

05

"Iroh" by Sonn
4:04 pm - 4:23 pm

Hearing this song makes my heart drop. This is supposed to be a song for rebirth for me, but all it does is bring back the previous year...
I remember the early September mornings of 2017. My freshman year where everything was new. Driving to the school in the front seat of my dad's truck. There were many blinking lights because of the hassle of two schools set at the same time. It was still dark outside when I arrived outside the cafeteria. I saw him sitting there at the table by himself. I remember feeling content with this daily schedule. I remember sitting down next to him and although I didn't show it well, I was happy to be there. The outdoor lights gave a certain unnatural tint to everything. It didn't matter because, he was still there. I remember looking at his face and into his eyes. I didn't know of how different things would be a year later from then. I just knew that I was in bliss. I had who I wanted by my side on my adventure. I remember the residue of the morning dew on the table occasionally dripping onto my jeans. I remember laying my head on his shoulder because I still felt hazy from waking up. I remember moving my hair sprayed hair to the side so it wouldn't get messed up. He'd move his hand onto my left shoulder and hold me close. I remember thinking we had it all. I never wanted it to change. I remember we'd share the school's coffee together. It was a sweet taste. The bell rang and we always hesitated to get up because we never wanted to leave each other's side, even though we'd see one another two hours later in passing. We'd leave the cafeteria and begin to walk to my class. The sun began to rise and I remember it'd hit the direction we were going. He'd hold the door open for me as I carried the remaining coffee because I could never finish it in one sitting. We'd walk into the cold commons together and cross them into the hallway my classroom was. He'd pull me to the side at the entrance and we'd hug. Sometimes he'd kiss my forehead or lips. We'd always exchange i love you. I remember walking into the unusual homey scented classroom to my singular desk. I'd sit there and pull out my phone and text him, hoping he'd see my message before he reached class. I apologized a lot because I didn't want him to be late for walking me. He was, but he didn't mind.

It's funny how a song can bring back all these memories. How in a matter of seconds I find myself impulse writing them all down in tears, wiping them away so nobody would see.

My heart sinks even more because I reflect on my last month of school. Sitting in the cafeteria at our table, alone. Hoping that someday he'd show up again. Hoping that maybe he'd come back. I hoped heavily. Only for everyday to relive constant heartbreak because he never did come back. I kept telling myself to never give up like I never did two years ago. But after remembering those memories I don't know if I can do this to myself anymore. It hurts thinking about it all. How someone so caring is gone...

I don't even know if he's gone. I don't believe he is truly in my heart, and I don't want to give up on searching for him. I feel like he's lost. He feels like he's living life carefree, better now. I've heard it straight, that he's happy he broke things off. I try to to tell myself that it's just a heat of the moment thought, why? because I reflect on all those memories. I can never wrap myself around the fact that it's over. This story wasn't supposed to be my thoughts it was just supposed to be my memories. I'm a mess. I'm not getting better. Everyday is a relapse.