Crumbling Curiosity~ By Amber E. Williams aka HeartMeDontHateMe

Mind Over Matter

"And I'm always thinking about you." She said with her head still down "I'm always confused, my mind is always clouded with what I should feel. I want you and im hurt that I would literally do almost anything for you and you don't even want me like that. You don't need me. Sometimes i think you don't like me." Tears fell and he furrowed his eyebrows hearing all of this for the first time. She continued "All of my life, I've never been good enough, and you are a reminder of that." Her breathing went in and out as the pain of her own words cripled her "I love you so much." She finally looked up meeting his eyes, the hurt was so evident that he had to look away, "That's the only reason I haven't walked away from this. I always tend to put other people over my own feelings." She laughed lightly "Stupid me."

"You're not stupid." He finally spoke.
She wiped her face shaking her head "Yes I am, because even though I've said all this, I'm not going anywhere and you're still going to treat me the same way, like some girl on the back burner that you know loves you too much to walk away. " even now she hated her self for thinking this lil speech would make him fight for her.

"Man what the fuck is going on Amb, you really feel like that? "

She nodded her head crying, "Everyday I think about this, and even though I understand where you're at.. I still want someone to want me enough to make it work, I still want to be worth enough for them to love me. And you dont even love me." She croked out "Now I'm standing here crying like some bitch telling you every thing I hate about this whole situation and even though you say you care your actions are going to show me that you don't give a fuck and I'll spend the days after this thinking about that too. Fuck man" she swore turning away from him tired of letting him see her in such a weak state.

He was really at a lost for words, she was right about him being in a bad space for a relationship, but he cared about her feelings. He was beginning to see that wasn't enough.

"I get it. Some people just aren't enough. I'm hurt iight. Just let me be hurt and go on about your day. We'll be good tomorrow" She took the initiative to walk away from him...he called her name, but made no physical move to stop her. Because she was right, he didn't know what he wanted..he was just sure he wanted her in his life. He didn't even know what that looked like.

Her feet felt heavy walking away and she bit her lip trying not to scream, he didn't run after her, he didnt pull her close and hug her begging her to stay , the nigga didn't even apologize. She sniffled quickening her steps back to the house and whispered "Told you." Before opening the door. Men had said' Fuck you' since the day she was born.