Dear Diary

Chapter 8

It's currently the summer before my senior year of college. I would like to be able to update that I have finally found love and will no longer have to worry about spending another Valentine's Day alone; but unfortunately, I have not found my person yet. I don't know if I'm one of the last few people on earth who still believe in soul mates, but I genuinely do. I want to believe that God has made a person just for me who will not only be really funny and handsome, but who will accept me as I am... flaws and all. I'm going to be 21 this year and I have never been in a serious relationship before. Obviously this has to be some sort of sign that I am one of the most patient people on the planet. lol I'm kidding... but no seriously I should get some sort of reward. I'm hoping that since I've been so patient then that has to mean that when I finally do meet someone then that would be it. He would be my happily ever after. It's funny because I think that I am ready to be in an adult relationship, but am I really? How does one truly know if they are not just ready to have a bf or gf but if that person is the right person? Lately I've been having more and more conversations with family and friends about finding my person. They are all optimistic and have high hopes for me which should be comforting but can sometimes make me feel unworthy. I spend so much time around happy and loving couples and can sometimes always feel a pang of jealousy. I just feel like I have so much to offer and I hold so many great qualities that I think could be fundamentals in a healthy relationship. But how will I ever find out if I am literally the shyest person ever around guys? The answer to that is I will never find out. If I don't have the courage or bravery to approach someone then how will I ever know if he is the person that God made for me? This is something my friends and family tell me constantly. "Just walk up to him" they say as if I don't have many insecurities about my appearance. I know that is something I have to work on but it's not like I became this way over night. I have always been introverted and have preferred to stay indoors alone rather than socialize with large groups of people. I'm not sure if this is something that I even want to fix seeing as how for the most part I'm pretty comfortable with my friends and close relatives. But obviously the way I am right now is not going to lead me to my soul mate. These are just some of my recurring opinions that I thought I would share just in the off chance that some of you are going through or experiencing something similar. Please let me know in the comments.