Dear Diary

Chapter 9

Hello again strangers,
Well it is officially the new year! Yay... jk I am once again starting off the year single. Are you surprised? Because I'm not. I once again failed at getting any male attention lol I still haven't quite figured out what exactly I'm doing wrong, or if its actually not me at all. I have acquired some new best friends from the last time I posted which has genuinely made me a happier person. Maybe God thinks that they are good enough for me at the moment. Because of them I am an even happier person, and I'm experiencing new things etc. I say all of this to reiterate that I think I'm good in the friend department, and could now handle a serious relationship. Mind you I felt this way last year and the year before that and the year before that... I think you get where I'm going with this. My new friends and I think 2019 will finally be the year we find our soulmates. But will it? Who knows. I will keep you guys posted 👍On another note I will soon be starting my senior year of college. I can't believe I've made it this far honestly. There have been countless moments where I have wanted to give up and cry, but I just settled with crying. I'm not joking. I've realized that in order to keep my emotions in check I have to have a good cry once in a while. Afterwards I feel ready to conquer the day, and find solutions to my problems. Some may argue that crying solves nothing which is true, but I think I'm a special type of weirdo who just needs to sob to get stuff off my chest. It helps me gain clarity to the certain situation, and remember what's really important, which is to make my family proud. That's the sole reason I do anything. I continue to live my life in fear of disappointing them. Some of my friends think I should start to live my life for me, but how can I when I owe my parents everything. Do any of you feel the same?