Amnesia

Maybe

"I have to go back to Doncaster. I can't stay here, Harry." Louis mumbled, eyes turned down as Harry pushed his chair back slowly. He could work with that, Harry could just see him on weekends. And maybe on days he didn't have lectures for six hours.

"That's okay, I can just see you at Uni and whenever I can?" Harry suggested, creeping out of his chair and over to Louis. Squeezing himself into Louis' chair he prodded Louis, nudging his shoulder. Louis uttered a small whine, head dropping into his hands as Harry held him close.

"I'm not going to Uni anymore, Harry." Louis mumbled and the hair on the back of Harry's neck prickled.

"What was that?" Harry murmured, arm dropping down Louis side because no, he wasn't going to let Louis do this. No way he would leave the flat, leave their relationship, leave Harry behind. Harry lifted Louis head out of his hands, feeling the early morning scruff and the wet tears as he tilted his jaw upwards. Looking straight into Louis eyes.

"I have to go Harry. I can't be here anymore. Mum wants me home. And she doesn't-" Louis fell quiet at the end of the sentence, pressing his face into Harry's neck. Harry shook his head, brushing his finger through Louis hair, tugging at the knots. Louis can't go, not now. Why would he go now, only a term to go and then his degree is done.

"Louis... Why are you going?" Pressed Harry, shrugging Louis away so he could turn him around. Louis opened his mouth before closing it again and repeating the action, fish out of water.

"Louis I'm using your toothbrush!" Niall yelled from the bathroom and fuck it they both forgot he was here. Louis scowled into Harry's top, eye brows furrowing as he blinked through his tears.

"Shut up Niall. You're not using anyones toothbrush!" Harry retorted, running a hand up and down Louis' back, comforting him. And then as an afterthought, "Sorry, Niall! You can use mine if you want?" To which came the reply of a giggling Louis, the Louis that Harry loved.

"I'm leaving in two days, Harry. I don't know why mum wants me home." Louis hiccuped, hands fisted into Harry's top.

"That's okay, we can go pack our bags tomorrow." Harry hushed, hands riding up the back of Louis shirt, running circles into his hip bones. Louis melted into the touch, welcoming it as he let out a shaky breath into Harry's chest. He wasn't good at this. He could play out situations in his mind any way he wanted but he couldn't do shit when it came down to the wire. This was different to acting in some stupid play, this was real. This was him and Harry and possibly a mildly alcoholic Irishmen who had stumbled into their lives much the same way Harry had stumbled into Louis'.

"I remember it like it was yesterday." Louis spoke, maybe to Harry, mostly to himself.

"Remembered what?" Harry spoke softly, palms flat against Harry's stomach, handling the small bit of flesh that had situated itself there. Harry loved that bit about Louis. About how no matter how hard he tried there were still little bits of tub all over that Harry adore. His big thighs, big ass, round tummy that looked so good in one of Harry's smaller shirts. Don't even get Harry started on skinny jeans.

"Remember when you came into the bar for the first time. Sloshed as ever, barely even legal. And you came right up to my counter and did this really stupid hair flick. And I hated you because you had on this really expensive jacket thing and I was in some shitty ripped shirt." Louis said, leaning his cheek against Harry's shoulder as Harry chortled softly.

"My grandmother gave me that jacket." He said in his defence, moving his hands around to Louis hips, tugging him closer.

"I don't give a rats. Anyway, you ordered three drinks. Pretty light drinks if I remember but most likely enough to get you to the I-Could-Piss-My-Pants-Right-Now-And-Wouldnt-Notice stage. And then some pinheaded guy came up to you and went to go and take you to the back bathrooms. And I knew I had to stop it because you had no idea what you were doing and I was 78% sure you were a virgin. And so I got into a punch-up with this guy because he was gonna hurt you a-" Harry cut off Louis.

"Hey! That's not at all what happened!" He retorted, laughing away the previous tension and Louis grew a fond smile.

"I like to think I was that brave but no, I just shouted the guy free drinks and he let you go pretty quick. And then I took you back to the kitchen and I sat you down and you couldn't even tell us your name, you were that drunk. And so I sat with you for ages and I was sort of hating you less after you fell asleep on the kitchen floor and drooled in my lap. You were out cold and I took you back to mine because I couldn't wake you up and I had no idea where you'd come from. And when you woke up in the morning you nearly shat yourself. But after you left I called you and you were so eager to see me again. I hadn't felt that kind of love in a long time..." Louis whispered the last part as he realised that he had begun crying again and Harry was rocking him slowly. Harry loved Louis with all his heart in that moment. Nothing in the world was ever going to stop this overgrown three year old from loving the pint sized fairy boy.

"I hadn't loved someone in a long time Lou. I don't think I will love someone again like the way I love you now." Harry choked out as he buried his nose into Louis hair. Louis was so familiar by now to Harry. Every smell, every curve, every touch and every sound Louis made could be recited by Harry off the top of his head. Sometimes when Harry couldn't sleep at night he would sit in bed and just look at Louis. He took note of Louis as he slept. The way his eyelashes curved upwards, fair as can be. Fair hair to match, now uncut and a mess. Harry would sometimes draw Louis' tattoos. He had notebooks full of detailed sketches of Louis. A compass and a ship, a bird and a cage, quote marks for a quote. Little things Louis and Harry had accidentally on purpose done. Little permanent things.

"You'll love again Harry." Louis whispered, turning his head away from Harry's neck. But Harry didn't think he ever could. He knew he never could. Because there was nothing after Louis.