to love and be loved 【a jeanmarco fanfiction】

part 3

it was days after the most awkward talk with Marco ever, but Jean was still worried. part of him wanted Marco to see that his crush was him, that he was falling fast for him. but the other part wanted Marco to never know, for Jean to be straight and marry a girl. they still had their nightly talks, thank god. they were more awkward now, Marco seemed sort of, disappointed. their talks were shorter and less enjoyable. tonight, he seemed more disappointed then ever. jean had to clear the air; he loved Marco and he wasn't hiding it anymore.
"Marco, I think you, um, misunderstood me." Marcos face tilted towards Jeans, his eyes curious.
"the boy I was talking about..." Jean closed his eyes and looked down. "he was you. I really, really like you...if you're into girls just-" jean stopped short. Marcos warm arms curled around his neck, pulling him into a warm embrace. jean snapped open his eyes, his mind faltering. Marcos head rested on his collarbone, his hair tickling jeans jaw. his arms slowly rose, and tightened around Marco. he smelled Marcos military grade shampoo, and his sweet scent. jean closed his eyes and was just...happy. there was no war, no titans, no annoying dickheads. just him and Marco, together. and for that, Jean was grateful.

the cabin was quiet as usual, a bug crawling could be heard. only 2 other boys inhabited the room beside jean. he pulled out a book his mom had packed before he left. soldiers started trickling in, Jean excited to see that Marcos face was among them. he marked his page and set it aside, scooting over as Marco climbed up to the cot. Marco climbed up and fell onto the cot, breathing heavily. "Marco?" Jean leaned over and pulled up his legs, yanking him onto the bed. Jean saw small bruises lining Marcos left jaw to his temple. "oh my god, Marco?" his tunic was unbuttoned, then sloppily rebuttoned. the buttons were in the wrong holes and the first three buttons were left undone. small cuts adorned his collarbone, and the more Jean checked the more small, crimson stains there were. "oh Marco...what happened?" his hair was a wreck, bangs almost sticking straight up. jean lifted him off the cot and gently down the ladder, collecting weird states from other cabin mates. pushing open the door with one side and supporting Marco with the other Jean pressed into the rough, cold wind, making his way towards the bathrooms. they were always empty at this time. he rested the hardly awake teen against the wall, checked the bathroom for others and once he knew it was absolutely empty, Jean shut the door and barred it. "alright Marco, let's get you cleaned." he started up one of the few showers. "I'm sorry about this..." jean unhooked the straps and pulled off the belt that held them. he carefully unbuttoned the tunic and slipped it off Marcos slack shoulders. jeans jaw fell open as he saw the amount of scathes on Marco. "J-Jean?"
"yes yeah Marco it's me what happened?"
"I'm f-fine just a little...just a little tired is all. did a lot of...of whatever it's called...running." Marcos eyes slid open slightly. Jean could see his irises moving from corner to corner, attempting to take in the scene.
"Marco, you're all cut up! you have bruises all over!"
"nothing...happened." his eyes fell shut again, his head tipped over to rest on his shoulder.
"oh jeez stay with me! come on!" Jean snapped his fingers, to no response. even more worried, Jean yanked off the knee high uniform boots and the socks. his legs looked unharmed, mostly. I'm not going to strip him all the way, Jean thought. I can't imagine....no. I would never. at least not without his permission....what am I thinking?
jean hauled the limp Marco into the warm running water, grabbing the soap and gingerly cleaning off Marcos chest. dirt swirled the drain, mixed with hints of blood. he kept scrubbing with mostly water, pausing every so often to add the smallest amounts of soap. finally, Marco was clean and more awake, thanks to the water. Jean brought over a towel to dry him off. taking off his own shirt, Jean tugged it onto Marco and buttoned it up. he scooped up Marco in his arms and carried him out of the tiled bathroom. "h-heyy Jean, am I a prin-princess?" Marco sounded super drunk, but there was no trace alcohol on his breath. Jean laughed and nodded.
"yup Marco. you're my princess."
his eyelids were open halfway, and as Jean finished they wavered between shutting and opening, and he mumbled, "good." jean laughed more despite his friends condition.
"am I a pretty princess?" Jean nodded.
"the prettiest of them all."
"heyyyy Jean. I got somethin to ask ya."
"what could that be?"
"what's your favorite color?"
"blue." he answered, rolling his eyes.
"out of all of them, I'd have to go with....a raccoon. I love raccoons." Marco held his finger in the air like he was pointing to something. "yessss....a raccoon." as they approached the cabin, Jean gently put Marcos feet on the ground and supported him up. "there we go, bud. in we go." he pushed open the door and half-heaved Marco in and onto his bunk. Marco smiled stupidly and pulled the covers over his head. "where did I go? who knows!" Jean shook his head and climbed up the opposite ladder to his bunk.

Jean could hardly focus the next morning. what had happened? did someone else do it? did he just fall? no way, it's impossible to gain that much from a fall. why was he so tired? he couldn't even walk on his own. he said he did a lot of running. why? we hardly ever do a lot of running. something was majorly wrong here. Jean slept walked through basic training and fighting skills and breezed through 3dm practice. the commander may have been screaming the whole time, but Jean hardly blinked. he left early and sprinted to the cabin. throwing open the door, he was relieved to see only Marco. he was tucked in to jeans top cot, looking like he'd been there all day. Jean spread a wide smile across his face. he climbed up and gently shook Marcos leg, waking him up. the dark haired male sat up and scooted over to make room. "hey." he said hoarsely, wiping sleep out of his eyes. Jean easily pulled himself up and sat opposite Marco.
"Marco...what the hell happened to you?" he asked. his tough face was beginning to crack. he had kept it up all day, but when it came down to actually talking to Marco, he was done for.
"what do you mean what happened? I'm fine." even as he said that, he cringed a little as the left side of his face crinkled.
"Marco, look at you! you can't even smile!"
"don't worry about me, Jean. I tell you, I'm fine."
"God damnit Marco! you were a wreck last night!" Jean yelled, frustrated. he threw his fist against the wall. "just tell me what happened. please." his fist trembled and slowly slipped from the wall. his face fell. "p-please, Marco." Jean whispered.
Marco sighed heavily, and shut his eyes. "it's nothing, really. the guys just-"
"Guys? someone did this? Marco, you have to tell me who it was!" Jean looked up, rage filling his eyes.
"No one did it! I didn't mean to- I didn't say- I just-" Marco stuttered. "I fell is all. I was running and, that's it. I wasn't paying attention and I tripped and fell. that's it. I'm hardly cut up at all."
"I carried you! I had to wash you! I put you to bed!"
"I was just tired. I ran a lot and I tripped a few times. also, I didn't sleep well and a lot of running..."
Jean curled his fists, feeling tears preparing to fall. he kept his eyes shut, and he dropped his head. "it's just, I care Marco. I really do. I don't want to see you get hurt."
Marco rested his hand on Jeans shoulder. "It's my fault. I wasn't careful enough."
Jean knew Marco had done nothing wrong, but he needed to hear the rest of the story. eyes still closed to contain tears, Jean nodded, signaling to continue.
"this is embarrassing, but I write letters to my mom most nights. I write about what's to happening, my feelings and other stuff. I keep them under my mattress, but I guess one time someone saw me and must've told boys from another division." his voice began to shake, and as I opened my eyes, I saw he had taken my position and had his eyes closed and head down. tears had begun streaking down his face. the arm he still had rested on my shoulder quivered and began to slip. I brought up my own hand to hold onto it.
"they...they took them and they-"
"I get it. you don't need to continue." I heard myself say. otherwise, I was completely frozen. my eyes widened and my heart beat quickened. making fun of Marco? why? it didn't matter; Jean was going to make them pay. he was going to tear off their ears and shove them down their throat. he was going to pull of their nails, one by one, letting them scream in agony. then, he was going to push them down Garrison Hill, the largest of the 3 hills that represent the branches of the military.
"Jean? you're shaking. are you okay?"
he didn't know anymore. the only thought on his mind was revenge. "what were their names?"
"Jean I really don't think-"
"I said, what were their goddamn names?"
"no I'm fine really. look I'm ok ya see?" he wiped away tear streaks quickly and spread out his arms, pulling a wide, fake smile. "I'm good."
Jean pushed his arms down. "no you're not. I'm going to find those sons of bitches whether you're ok with it or not." with that, Jean hopped of the bed and slid down the ladder, using the backs of his hands to sweep off the leaked tears.

Author's Note: for those of you who do read this, the reason Jean is so bipolar almost at this part is because he has never let anyone into his personal life like he did with marcel so when Marco gets hurt, Jean automatically feels super pissed, then concerned that Marco might leave, and that's why he gets moody and sad. I'll put more about this later in the story, just wanted to go ahead and clarify :)