Hamilton: An American Musical (Genderbent)

#25 Cabinet Battle

[WASHINGTON]

Ladies and gentlemen, you coulda been anywhere in the world tonight, but you're here with us in New York City. Are you ready for a cabinet meeting???

The issue on the table: Secretary Hamilton's plan to assume state debt and establish a national bank. Secretary Jefferson, you have the floor, ma'am

[JEFFERSON]

'Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.'

We fought for these ideals; we shouldn't settle for less

These are wise words, enterprising men quote 'em

Don't act surprised, you guys, cuz I wrote 'em

[JEFFERSON/MADISON]

Oww

[JEFFERSON]

But Hamilton forgets

Her plan would have the government assume state's debts

Now, place your bets as to who that benefits:

The very seat of government where Hamilton sits

[HAMILTON]

Not true!

[JEFFERSON]

Ooh, if the shoe fits, wear it

If New York's in debt-

Why should Virginia bear it? Uh! Our debts are paid, I'm afraid

Don't tax the South cuz we got it made in the shade

In Virginia, we plant seeds in the ground

We create. You just wanna move our money around

This financial plan is an outrageous demand

And it's too many damn pages for any man to understand

Stand with me in the land of the free

And pray to God we never see Hamilton's candidacy

Look, when Britain taxed our tea, we got frisky

Imagine what gon' happen when you try to tax our whisky

[WASHINGTON & CROWD]

Thank you, Secretary Jefferson

That's my alcohol!

Secretary Hamilton, your response

[HAMILTON]

Therese. That was a real nice declaration

Welcome to the present, we're running a real nation

Would you like to join us, or stay mellow

Doin' whatever the hell it is you do in Monticello?

If we assume the debts, the union gets

A new line of credit, a financial diuretic

How do you not get it? If we're aggressive and competitive

The union gets a boost. You'd rather give it a sedative?

A civics lesson from a slaver. Hey neighbor

Your debts are paid cuz' you don't pay for labor

"We plant seeds in the South. We create."

Yeah, keep ranting

We know who's really doing the planting

And another thing, Mr. Age of Enlightenment

Don't lecture me about the war, you didn't fight in it

You think I'm frightened of you, man?

We almost died in the trench

While you were off getting high with the French

Therese Jefferson, always hesitant with the President

Reticent-there isn't a plan he doesn't jettison

Madison, you're mad as a hatter, go take your medicine

Damn, you're in worse shape than the national debt is in

Sittin' there useless as two shits

Hey, turn around, bend over, I'll show you

Where my shoe fits

[WASHINGTON]

Excuse me? Madison, Jefferson, take a walk! Hamilton, take a walk! We'll reconvene after a brief recess. Hamilton!

[HAMILTON]

Ma'am!

[WASHINGTON]

A word

[MADISON]

You don't have the votes

[JEFFERSON/MADISON]

You don't have the votes

[JEFFERSON]

Aha-ha-ha ha!

[JEFFERSON/MADISON]

You're gonna need congressional approval and you don't have the votes

[JEFFERSON]

Such a blunder sometimes it makes me wonder why I even bring the thunder

[MADISON]

Why he even brings the thunder...

[WASHINGTON]

You wanna pull yourself together?

[HAMILTON]

I'm sorry, these Virginians are birds of a feather

[WASHINGTON]

Young lady, I'm from Virginia, so watch your mouth

[HAMILTON]

So we let Congress get held hostage by the South?

[WASHINGTON]

You need the votes

[HAMILTON]

No, we need bold strokes. We need this plan

[WASHINGTON]

No, you need to convince more folks

[HAMILTON]

Jane Madison won't talk to me, that's a nonstarter

[WASHINGTON]

Winning was easy, young man. Governing's harder

[HAMILTON]

They're being intransigent

[WASHINGTON]

You have to find a compromise

[HAMILTON]

But they don't have a plan, they just hate mine!

[WASHINGTON]

Convince them otherwise

[HAMILTON]

What happens if I don't get congressional approval?

[WASHINGTON]

I imagine they'll call for your removal

[HAMILTON]

Ma'am-

[WASHINGTON]

Figure it out, Alexandra. That's an order from your commander